Page 28 of Memories Like Fangs
“Hey, there’s always a first time for everything,” Nat said. “But, don’t worry. I’m an expert at bending the truth. I’ll give you some pointers.”
Nat, Cody, Simone, and Maisie spent the whole walk back to the house trying to get me ready to talk to Mama, but it soon devolved into jokes and everyone trying to lighten the mood. I tried to smile with them to feel something, but the only steady thing I felt simmering was rage and hunger for revenge inside me. I had tried for years to break this inheritance from my father. He wasalwaysangry.It was his default, and everything else was a supplement to that. All the good he did was undercut by the bad he did in an angry spiral. Kind words were fewer than wrathful insults, hugs less than flinging and tossing my shit around. I never wanted to be that way. I saw the impact it had on us.
I had a temper, but I had worked for years to swallow it down. Now, it was all I could feel. It was a feisty living thing, setting fire to my gut. I wanted to punch something again. I wanted to scream and yell. I usually wasn’t a Kyle who punched holes in walls and called his mom by her first name. I could regulate most of my emotions and process them accordingly, but that was under normal, regular conditions. I did have ADHD,which meant regulating my emotions under hard conditions was difficult already, to say the least. Byrd was so in tune with her emotions, so sure and steady. She knew how she felt, and she could feel so many things at once. I, on the other hand, felt one feeling, and it consumed me until I calmed down. This was the greatest amount of rage I had ever felt. It robbed me of speech. All I could do was flex my hands, itching to use them and feeling the weight of Amy missing in her holster.
So, while I welcomed the distraction of the others’ voices and advice, I barely heard any of it. The only way I could truly be distracted was by doing something with my hands. Punching the trees had helped to clear my head. Now, with all these feelings and thoughts, I tried so hard to focus on Clarkson instead. Absentmindedly, I kept petting her to keep her calm despite her persistent whining. I honed in on feeling her soft curls, rubbing her long ears, giving her round-head kisses, and sending her the best confidence and vibes I could. I had to only pay attention to Clarkson. If I let my mind stray, even for a moment, it would go toher, and I would begin to lose my fucking mind.
No, I had to stay strong. For her sake. And for mine.
Otherwise, I couldn’t save her.
“Quinny?” Nat brought me back to the present. I hadn’t realized how close we were to the house until she did. Even from here, I could hear Mama’s laughter ringing out. It was always one of those loud and long laughs that was contagious. It was hard not to join her. Right now, though, it made my stomach feel heavy and hard.
Cole continued, “You’re quiet.”
“Not much to say,” I said, my voice husky and crackling from lack of use. I was starting to get used to the sound of it like that.
“We are going to find her,” Nat reassured, coming to me to squeeze my shoulder.
“I know,” I said, my tone sharper than it probably should be. “Honestly, it’s more what I will do to that bitch once we do.”
Nat nodded, but I saw something flicker in her eyes, even in the dark. Before I could decipher what it was or could have been, it was gone. “Okay.”
“What is it?”
“It’s nothing, Quinn. Really.”
“Natassa—”
“It just… it reminds me of Cooper.”
“Hey, this is different. I’mnotCooper.”
“I know, I know. I just?—”
“Hey, Q! Y’all comin’?” Cody interrupted, calling out from the bottom of the stairs. Simone and Maisie were already at the top, looking down at us. However, Cole was closest to me and Nat, and he had clearly heard everything. His eyebrows were furrowed as he looked between the two of us. Still, he didn’t say anything as I headed past him and up the stairs, leaving what had transpired behind.
Before I opened the door, I closed my eyes, sighed, opened my eyes again, and led the way inside.
The cozy warmth inside the spacious cabin hit me as soon as I opened the door, making me have to set Clarkson down to unzip my coat. Immediately, her silly little nails clicked on the hardwood as she barked her way into the living room as if she was trying to warn Mama about Byrd. I would have smiled if things weren’t so dire. I also would have taken off my shoes and everything at the entrance, but I didn’t see much of a point. I wasn’t going to be here long enough to justify taking them off.
In the living room, the fireplace roared, giving the room a nice amber glow. I did my best to avert my eyes from looking at the mantle and seeing Byrd’s stocking that looked just like her scales. I couldn’t bear to be reminded of her. Not right now. Instead, I kept my eyes on those sitting in front of the fire. Mamasat with her legs underneath her on the couch. She had taken down and fluffed her long auburn-brown hair from its braid and clip, and pulled the waves all to one side. As she leaned one arm against the back of the couch, my mom looked every bit the Hollywood starlet, relaxing after a photoshoot. Aunt Tess lounged on the chaise next to her, while Cooper and Aunt CK sat on their phones on a nearby loveseat. As this moment showed, Cooper and the rest of the cousins were spitting images of their mother. They got most of their looks from her, including her blue eyes, blond hair, broad shoulders, and muscles, yet they got their height, freckles, and some other features from Uncle Harry. They also got some of their mannerisms from her, even before she was left with raising them all on her own, aside from help from my mom and Aunt Tess.
Clarkson leaped into Mama’s lap, but her stub of a tail wasn’t wagging. Instead, she curled up and looked up at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen my dog have. As much as I could relate, it still broke my heart even more. Mama’s laughter died, and her smile dropped as she looked down at my precious baby in confusion.
“Clarkson, honey, what’s wrong? You feeling okay, baby love?” She asked, petting Clarkson, who could only whine in response.
I had no idea if it was my huntress training or the nature of growing up with a father who believed children should be seen and not heard, but my footsteps were always quiet. Still, as soon as I walked into the living room, Mama’s head snapped up to make eye contact with me as if she had sensed me. Her stunning eyebrows were drawn over her own bright hazel eyes. She only looked at me for a moment before she moved Clarkson to the couch and got up so fast to stand in front of me that she blurred. Like most of the Trinity, Mama rarely used her supernatural abilities. When she did, it was hard not to take notice.
Mama took my face in her hands. They were so warm, so soft, it felt like the hug I needed. Tears stung my eyes at the feeling they summoned, and I had to blink them back with everything I had. Mama was a few inches shorter than me, so she had to tilt my head down to make me look into her eyes. Yet, I allowed her.
“Are you okay, baby sugar?” Mama asked me directly. That question shouldn’t have broken me. It should have been the easiest to answer. It was something that people always asked total strangers.
So, why did it hurt like this?
My voice cracked as I stuttered softly so only she could hear. “I-I don’t really know, Mama.”
“What’s wrong, Quinn? You look like you’ve been crying.” Mama looked around me to take in the others. “Where’s Byrdie?”
