Page 78 of He Should Be Mine
Dario.
He is so near, yet so far away. It is a torture like no other. I guess it is a good thing I am a glutton for punishment.
With that thought in mind, I pull the blanket up to my nose. It is the one he tenderly put over me when I was sick. The one he took from his own bed. It used to smell of him. It is fading now, but if I inhale really deeply, I can still catch lingering traces.
I fill my lungs, but I can barely detect his scent. Damn it. This won’t do at all.
Maybe tomorrow I can casually leave it on the sofa, and he might take it back to his room. It can be freshly imbued by his manly smell. That would be heavenly. Except, once he has his blanket back, how will I retrieve it? I can’t go into his bedroom, anymore than he can set foot in mine. The hallway camera will show me stepping over the threshold.
And if Rick checks the cameras, he’ll lose his shit. He is not one to share. I’m his toy and no one else is allowed to play.
For fuck’s sake, there has to be a way. My mind whirls over the puzzle for a moment.
Ah! I know! Once the blanket has been back on Dario’s bed for a few days, I’ll sit on the sofa and whine about being cold. Add in a little shiver and my best puppy eyes, and hopefully he will run off and get me his blanket. Then I can wrap it over my shoulders and forget to give it back to him.
Perfect! I mean, it’s the middle of summer but I’m pretty sure I can still pull it off. I’m good at acting. And anyway, if he figures out what I’m up to, that would be even better. I think I like the idea of him knowing how much I am yearning for him. I definitely like the idea of him being on the other side of this stupid wall, knowing that I’m wrapped in his blanket because it smells of him.
A smile stretches across my face. Jesus, I didn’t think I was capable of being this sappy. But in my defense, I’m pretty sure he is just as bad.
He was so concerned about me the other day. He said,we need a plan. We. He said,we,as if there is awe.
And then there was that moment. That moment where our fingers touched and we both froze. The whiskey glass between us. The sexual tension so thick it could have been cut with a knife.
Oh lord, save me. Self-control is not one of my strengths. I’m impulsive. Reckless. A slave to my desires and right now I desire to climb that man like a tree. I want to ride him all night long and blow his mind. Give him the gay awakening he deserves.
How am I supposed to resist Dario? Especially when he looks at me likethat? Nobody has ever looked at me that way. I have zero defenses against it.
Surely it is not humanly possible to crave someone so badly, and not throw yourself into their arms? Or drop to your knees?
I don’t think I can do it.
I think maybe my primal instincts are right. I should run. Far, far away. As far as I can. Run and run and never look back.
My heart protests at the thought. I wince and rub my chest, even though I know the pain is not physical.
Leave Dario? That would hurt. Like nothing else ever has. But it is not like I’m ever going to have him. Staying is pointless. It would only prolong the agony.
I need to rip the band-aid off. A clean break. Over and done with.
Dario will understand. He wants me to be safe.
I bite back my strangled whimper and rub my hands over my face. What a nightmare. Running from the mafia might not be the brightest idea I have ever had.
Rick would be enraged that a mere whore dared to defy him. He’d use all the formidable resources at his disposal to find me. Money, contacts, men. He’ll say I stole from the Ajellos or something. He doesn’t need to bare his secret to have me hunted down, because men like Dario don’t ask questions. They obey their orders. It is how they have been trained. If told to find someone, soldato don’t ask why. They do it and do it well.
But what choice do I have? Staying means certain death. At least with running there is a chance, however small.
I draw in a big, shuddering breath.
I never used to care about dying. But that was before Dario gave me hope.
I want Dario, oh lord, do I want him. But it’s not meant to be. I have to accept that. It is the stark reality. In another life, maybe. Hopefully.
However, in this one, it can’t happen. There are far too many obstacles in the way.
But Dario has shown me that I’m not just useless trash. If a wonderful man like him can want me, and not only my body, then there is hope. It is possible that someone else might. Someone who is not out of bounds.
There might be someone out there worth living for.
