Page 19 of Hard Rock Temptation
What was I willing to risk,for her?
The answer was easy.
Anything. I’d risk anything, face anything, for Kaylee.
But that was the problem.Iwas willing to risk it.Iwas willing to face anything. I wasn’t afraid for myself.
I was afraid for Kaylee.
I couldn’t riskher.
For Kaylee, the band was her family. How many groups had broken up after two band members got together, when band dynamics changed? I couldn’t risk ruining it. I couldn’t risk Kaylee losing her chosen family.
And the media? Young women in the entertainment industry were eaten alive by the media. They would have something to say about our ages, but the guy rarely faced consequences for that. The young woman, though?
They would speculate about how she managed to catch his eye, what was it about her that attracted him. Her hard work and talent would be ignored to focus on who she was sleeping with and why. Forget about her creative soul, every mention would turn into gossip about who she was dating or whose heart she was breaking. Forget about her artistic merit, every song she now wrote must be about some torrid relationship.
It was infuriating. It was dehumanizing.
I couldn’t stand seeing Kaylee put up with that shit for years to come, not after she’d worked so hard to be taken seriously.
And as for our friendship, that was the last thing I wanted to ruin. Kaylee deserved to be loved by her friends, to have the care and support she needed. Sure, she had the rest of the band, but it was the two of us who were the closest. Best friends. I couldn’t ask Kaylee to give that up.
But she was already willing to risk it, for us. She was willing to risk everything to be with me.
“You know I appreciate your visits.” My mom opened the fridge and took out a half-full jug of chilled water with two shaky hands. I would have jumped up to help, but she hated when I did that. “You usually call before you come over, though. Is there a reason you showed up on my doorstep with no warning?”
I’d seen my mom only a few days ago, but she looked a little worse than before. A little weaker. A little more frail. Or maybe it was just my imagination, coming up with worst case scenarios.
That was apparently what I did best, after all.
I hated the halting way she moved from fridge to cupboard, the slow shuffle she used to hide her discomfort. I didn’t want to add to it.
“It’s nothing,” I said. “Just… band stuff.” It wasn’t a total lie. Kaylee was in the band, and my actions would impact the whole group.
“I know I’m not your father,” she said, pouring water from the jug into two glasses. “But maybe a woman’s perspective is exactly what you need?” She had a knowing glint in her eyes as she set the glass down in front of me.
I groaned and slumped down into my chair. “Does everyone fucking know?”
“Language,” she admonished. “And yes,” she added, sitting down on the other side of the table and taking a dainty sip of water. “Everyone knows. We have for a while. You and Kaylee haven’t exactly been subtle.”
“So what am I supposed to do?” I asked. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I can’t risk the band. I don’t want her taking the hit from the media. And she’s still so young.”
“Canyou still be friends with her?” Mom asked. “After everything? Can you go back to being just friends?”
“I—” It seemed like I was always at a loss for words these days. I wasn’t the most talkative guy but I could usually at least string two words together. Not anymore, apparently.
“I’m trying to protect her from the consequences,” I replied as an answer.
“Does Kaylee want your protection?” she asked, sounding way too reasonable.
“It’s my job to take care of her,” I said. Mom gave me a look. “To take care of everyone,” I added. “I’m the oldest. Everyone looks to me to be the rational one. The mature one who keeps everyone on track.”
“The mature one, hm?” Mom smiled softly. “Do you think the way you’ve been acting is mature?”
Ha. What a question. No. I knew I wasn’t.
I’d always considered myself the leader of the band, the one who looked after the others. The mature one, like I’d told my mom. But after everything with Kaylee I was feeling anything but mature and rational. I felt lost. Confused. Uncertain. Unsteady.
