Page 86 of Crash and Burn
"There's going to be a sort of unveiling event for the new exhibit," Evan continued. He waited for a beat. "Grant would love it if you came."
"I don't know," I said hesitantly.
Alana would probably be there, wouldn't she? Of course she would. They were dating now. Of course his girlfriend would be there to support him. Would I be able to handle seeing the two of them together for a whole evening?
"The event is on a Monday so the bar's going to be closed," Evan offered. "The rest of us are all going to be there, if you need moral support."
I debated with myself internally. Grant had hurt me. He'd broken my heart. But he'd also been my friend for so long. I'd watched him work so hard to build up his photography business. I'd watched him struggle to find time for his own artistic expression. This was such a big deal for him.
I thought about my own work, the designs I was working on with Carling. Surely when our fashion line launched we'd have some sort of event to celebrate it, with media, and models and everything. Would I be upset if Grant didn't come out to that to support me?
"I'll come," I told Evan. "You can tell Grant I'll be there."
"Why don't you tell him yourself?" Evan replied.
"I'm not quite ready for that yet," I told him.
"It’s okay,” Evan said. “I can play telephone between the two of you for now.”
"I appreciate it," I told him.
I looked to where Grant was tending bar. His head was bowed as he mixed a drink, his dark hair curling over his ears.
My heart clenched.
I’d agreed to go to the gallery showing, but I didn't know when I'd be able to have a normal conversation with Grant without getting the urge to either shout or cry.
Maybe never. Maybe he'd hurt me too badly.
Maybe I'd never get over what he did to me.
28
Ifinished my shift without saying another word to Grant that didn't involve giving drink orders. Every time I approached the bar counter he would open his mouth to try and say something but I always whipped around on my heel before a single sound left his lips. If I needed something more involved I spoke to Evan about it.
The instant the last customer left the bar I grabbed my bag, threw out a hastybyeand darted out. I was worried Grant was going to try and corner me again and I didn't know if I'd be able to have another conversation with him so soon. It hurt too much. I could pretend I was fine on the outside, but on the inside a storm of hurt and sorrow and anger was swirling in a cyclone. I didn't want all those emotions to burst out and explode in a tirade, especially not in front of the others.
I'd sworn I could act like a mature adult. I was going to keep that promise.
Of course, that didn't mean I was actually fine.
As soon as I stepped through my apartment door my eyes began to sting with pent up tears. My breath came in shaky fits and starts. Holding it together had been tough, but I'd done it. Now that I was in the safety of my own home I could let everything out.
Being next to Grant withoutbeingwith Grant was torture.
I chucked off my dress and slipped into a hot shower to wash away the salty tears from my sticky cheeks. I hoped the running water was loud enough to muffle the sound of my crying from the neighboring apartments.
I stayed in long enough for my bathroom to steam up and my fingers to prune. When I'd finally cried myself out I shut off the water and dried myself. I didn't have the energy to blow dry my hair. It felt like too much effort and my whole body was exhausted from my crying fit. I toweled off as best I could then put it in a low bun. Maybe I'd at least wake up with soft curls instead of a bird's nest of tangles.
The next morning I rewarded myself with that tub of ice cream I'd joked to Evan about for breakfast. I went to my sofa and threw myself down with a heavy sigh.
I half-expected Mittens to jump up next to me, but she didn't come. I scanned the apartment, hoping she hadn't run out the door without me noticing when I'd come in last night.
I eventually spotted the demon in her old favorite spot sitting on my sewing desk.
"You're lucky I sent off those last designs to Carling already," I told her. "Otherwise I'd be mad you're ruining my fabric."
She didn't even bother to meow in response, just blinked lazily at me and nestled down further into the folds.
