Page 83 of Crash and Burn
My heart broke into a thousand pieces.
"So that's it, then?" I forced the words out as my throat tried to close up and my face threatened to crumple. "You're going to be with her now?"
He looked down at the floor.
"I loved her so much," he said. "I can't just pretend those feelings didn't exist. When I told Alana I loved her, it ruined everything between us. That's why I never said anything to you. I didn't want to ruin what we had."
"But you did ruin it!" I slammed my mug on the kitchen table, hot tea splashing over my hand. The rising heat of anger took the pieces of my shattered heart and melded them into a solid lump of pure fury. "You're choosing her over me!"
"I feel like I owe it to my younger self to at least try," he said quietly. Then he looked up at me, his expression pained. “Unless I have a reason not to.” It was almost a question, close to plaintive.
Was he asking what I thought he was asking?
Forget it.
If Grant really cared about me, he would choose me of his own accord. I shouldn’t have to beg.
I set my jaw firmly.
I refused to ever beg for a man to choose me.
"Fine," I said. "If you want to go be with her, go be with her."
His mouth trembled, looking as if his own face was going to crumple. I hated seeing Grant in pain, even if he was the one who had caused it. I steeled myself against it.
"I never meant to hurt you," he said. "I had no idea something like this would happen."
"Do you still love her?" I asked.
Grant opened his mouth then closed it, his expression twisted in confusion and doubt.
"Do you love me?" I asked.
He parted his lips, inhaled shakily, then fell silent.
"That's all the answer I need." I went to the door and opened it. "You can leave now."
Grant let out a shuddering breath, but nodded as he made his way out. As I closed the door behind him, he put a hand on the doorframe, stopping to give me one last look.
"I'm really sorry," he said hoarsely.
I'd thought I might break down. I'd thought I might burst into tears. But my eyes were dry. My voice was unwavering.
"So am I," I told him.
27
Awar of emotions raged in my chest, keeping me awake all night. I tossed and turned, Grant's words reverberating in my head.
He'd loved that Alana girl for years. He thought it was a second chance. He owed it to himself to try.
And what about me?I thought bitterly.Do I mean nothing to him?
Even if I did, it clearly wasn't as much as Alana meant to him. He was willing to drop everything for her — including our budding relationship.
A small part of me wondered if I should have been more understanding. After all, I had loved Grant for years, too. If something had happened to break us apart and then years later I had another chance, wouldn't I take it?
I might have.
