Page 112 of Hard Rock Muse
“They didn’t hit me,” he said immediately.
I leaned my head against his shoulder.
“Abuse isn’t always physical,” I reminded him. “And I don’t need to know all the details. But you probably learned not to make a fuss. To stay out of the way. To be quiet, to be silent. To try and make sure they never found a reason to hurt you.”
His hands began to shake.
“I tried…” he whispered, trailing off.
I made a sound of encouragement. “Tried what?”
“I tried to make them love me,” he said, his voice thick and liquid.
A sharp stab of pain went straight through me.
“I kept on thinking, there must be a reason why no one wants me,” he murmured, pressing his cheek to the top of my head. “I thought there must be a reason why no one loved me enough to keep me. I thought maybe I was unlovable.”
“Is that why you never wanted to tell me?” I asked softly.
“I thought there was something wrong with me,” he replied.
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” I said fiercely. “Nothing.It’s all on them. You get that, right? Just like with me and Keith. It’s not your fault.”
Julian wrapped his arms around me, clutching me to his chest.
“I’m sorry I can’t say it,” he choked out. “I want to, I swear, I just—”
“I know,” I said quietly. “I understand. You’re afraid if you open up, it will only lead to more hurt, just like it always did. You’re afraid it makes you vulnerable.”
He nodded furiously, dropping his forehead to my neck, his body trembling. I held him, rocking back and forth slightly, soothing him. Eventually, the trembling stopped. He let out a slow exhale, warming my skin.
I pulled back a few inches, putting only a scant distance between us.
“Can I try and guess a few more things?” I asked.
“You’ve already proven you’re a mind-reader,” he joked weakly.
I took his face in my hands, staring deeply into his eyes. They were glossy and red-rimmed. I gave him a soft smile.
“You adore me,” I said, a statement, not a question.
His lips twitched upward, almost returning my smile. He nodded.
“You worship me,” I said, almost teasing.
His eyes dropped to my lips. His pupils dilated. He nodded.
I tilted my head, examining him. He brought his eyes back to mine. They were shining and bright.
I put my hand on his chest, right over his heart.
“You love me,” I said.
Julian’s handsome face nearly crumpled, before he swallowed hard, seeming to steel himself. He sat upright, straightening his back. He met my gaze head on, unflinching.
He nodded.
I leaned forward, putting my hands to the back of his neck and pulling him close to stare deeply back into his eyes.
“Then show me.”
