Page 109 of Hard Rock Muse
I shook my head furiously, anger rising within me.
“If that’s true, than why can’t he just come out and say he l—”
I cut myself off, nearly biting my tongue, trying to keep the words from bursting out.
But Seth knew exactly what I was trying to keep in.
“You’re still waiting for Julian to say he loves you?” Seth asked.
I inhaled a shuddering breath. I nodded, tears pinpricking my eyes.
“Ever…” His eyes softened. “Julian adores you. He worships you. He loves you.”
They were almost the same words Abby had said to me ages ago when I’d first started working with Julian. She clearly saw something in him. Something that Seth also seemed to see.
“Listen,” Seth said earnestly, leaning forward in his chair. “You know how Julian is. You know what he’s like.”
“That shouldn’t be an excuse,” I said. “If he loves me, he should say it.”
“How many times have you heard the wordsI love youfrom people who didn’t mean it?” Seth countered.
I stilled, his words plowing through me.
Keith had said it. He’d said it a hundred times. He told me over and over that he loved me. That he only wanted what was best for me.
And that had been a completely and utter lie.
“When it comes to Julian, you have to listen to what he doesn’t say,” Seth said. “You have to look at what he does. You have to read between the lines.” Seth reached out to pat my hand. “Look at all the things he’s done for you. He shows you how he feels by his actions. He shows you that he loves you without words every day.”
I fidgeted in my seat, uncomfortable with what Seth was saying. It made a lot of sense, especially given what I knew of Julian. All those little gestures and acts of kindness. All the small things he did every day to show me how he felt.
“You know why me and Julian are such good friends?” Seth said, interrupting my thoughts and making me look up and meet his eyes. “It’s because I can read him. He doesn’t need to tell me how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking. I can usually figure it out. I’ve known him for so long, I justgethim, you know? And that’s what he needs. He needs someone who will know what he’s trying to say even when he can’t make the words come out.”
“How hard can it be to tell me he loves me?” I whispered, my throat tight.
“Harder than you might think,” Seth said. “You know about Julian’s past.”
“Not everything.”
“You know enough,” he said, simply. “Just think about it. Think about how Julian grew up. Think about what that might do to a person.”
I looked down into my now cold coffee, avoiding Seth’s eyes.
“You know,” he started, “there’s only one thing he wants, even more than the music.”
“What’s that?” I asked quietly.
Seth gave me a small, sad smile.
“Julian’s only ever wanted someone who understands what he can’t say.”
