Page 70 of Hard Rock Sin
"Th-there's someone here," I stuttered out through a tight throat, clinging to him.
The concern on Cameron's face was touching, but it wasn't enough to ease the panic taking hold inside me.
"It's probably just the gardener. Yo, Jerry, come on out," Cameron called.
An older gentleman wearing a sunhat and carrying a pair of hedge clippers appeared between the bushes.
"Yes Mr. Thorne?" the man asked with a cheery tone.
I let out a choked sigh of relief. My racing heart slowed down somewhat. The panic began to subside. My lungs let out a whoosh of air. I began to take slow breaths in and out.
After a few moments, mortification set in.
I couldn't believe I'd let myself get that worked up again. Of course it was just the gardener. It could have even been one of the housekeepers, or Cameron's parents showing up again, or any number of people.
My mind had immediately gone to a break in.
Anger and self-loathing fought for dominance inside me. I hated myself for always overreacting. First that false alarm when I'd hid in the bathroom, and now this.
Was I going to be living in fear forever?
Cameron waved the gardener off. He gathered me close, wrapping his arms around me.
"You alright?" he asked, a concerned expression on his face.
I nodded silently, still shivering from the aftermath of my panic attack.
"Were you scared?"
"It's so stupid," I mumbled. My lungs still burned. I'd almost drowned. "I'm acting like…"
Cameron took my face in his hands.
"Something really scary happened to you. It's okay to still be affected by it."
I didn't meet his eyes, ashamed. "It was ages ago. I should be fine by now."
"It's okay if you're not. Maybe…" He looked hesitant. "Maybe you should see someone about it?"
"Maybe." I didn't think my fears were that bad. Were they? Surely not bad enough I needed to see a therapist. I just got a little scared sometimes. That was all.
A small voice in my head snorted. No big deal, I'd justalmost drownedis all.
Cameron pressed a gentle peck on my lips, nothing like the passionate kiss I'd interrupted.
"You can always come to me if you're scared or afraid. I want you to know that."
"Thank you."
But even as I said the words, I hated the idea.
All along I'd chafed at Noah's rules. I'd wanted to be on my own, to live my own life.
But maybe my brother had been right. What if I'd been by myself? What if Cameron hadn't been here to save me from freaking out? I might have drowned. Just like I might have passed out from my panic attack that night in the bathroom.
I hated the idea of being so weak. I didn't want to rely on anyone else this way.
But I clearly didn't have these panic attacks under control.
