Page 110 of Hard Rock Sin
"Could you not?" I said with a groan, speaking to both of them.
"I'm serious," Cameron continued. "In the time that Lily and I lived together I fell for her. Completely. And I want to continue living with her." Cameron looked to me proudly. "Lily's going to stay with me when school starts."
"What?" Noah said flatly.
I cringed without meaning to. "Um. Actually…" I hedged, not knowing how to say it. I took a deep breath. "I decided I'm going to move out on my own."
Cameron and Noah both stared at me.
"No," my brother said, his stance unequivocal.
"What?" Cameron said, utterly shocked.
I babbled, knowing I had to try to explain before anyone got hurt.
"I feel like I've been living under someone's thumb my whole life. Foster care, and then living with my brother, and then being in boarding school. I never got to live life on my own. I feel like a sheltered bird in a cage."
Cameron's mouth dropped open, hurt flooding his expression. He began to speak.
I cut him off.
"I love you Cameron, and I want to be with you too, but on my own terms. As a fully fledged adult. I don't want to just move in with you by default because I have no other choice."
I turned to my brother.
"I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me. I know how hard it is for you to let go and watch me spread my wings. But I need to know what it's like to be by myself, even if it's only for a little while."
I stopped talking to take a breath.
The two of them continued staring at me, silent. I could see my words working through their respective heads.
I continued, trying to make them understand.
"Cameron, I'm not saying I want to leave you. That's not the case at all. You know how much I love you. And Noah, I'm not saying I don't want my big brother by my side. But I need this. I need this for me."
Slowly, ever so slowly, Noah nodded.
"Fine. I get it," he said eventually. "You need your freedom."
I let out a relieved sigh. "Yes. I need the freedom to make my own choices. To live life on my terms."
"Where will you stay?" Noah asked.
"Jen's old apartment. She and her roommates are all living with their boyfriends now, but they still have their lease until the new year."
Noah's eyebrow twitched. "You talked to Jen about this?"
"She figured it out on her own."
My brother looked put out, but didn't complain any further. I hoped he wasn't upset with Jen for not telling, but I knew Jen could hold her own against Noah Cranky-Pants Hart.
I turned to Cameron, hoping that he would take this well. His face was pained.
"You don't want to live with me?" he asked.
It seemed that was the one part he was stuck on.
I went to him and wrapped one arm around his shoulders. With my other hand, I traced his new tattoo through his shirt. Noah averted his gaze, looking uncomfortable at our display of affection.
