Page 142 of Hard Rock Tease
I reached out and placed a hand on his arm, but he averted his eyes.
“Do you think maybe it’s time to talk to someone about this? A doctor?” I didn’t want to say a psychiatrist. I knew of the stigma. I knew some people took badly to that, thinking that you were calling them crazy, even though that was the last thing on my mind. I knew how important it was to take care of your mental health. One of my good friends had been dealing with bipolar disorder since her early teens.
“How? When? I’m always on tour, or working on another album, or doing promo events.”
I wasn’t a professional, but I worried that if Jayce didn’t try to manage his illness, he’d have a real breakdown one day. I thought back to what my best friend had told me worked for her. Bipolar disorder wasn’t the same as anxiety disorder, but panic attacks were sometimes also a symptom.
“There’s this meditation app I know. It’s supposed to help people with anxiety. Gimme your phone.” A few taps later and I’d downloaded it for him. “My friend said it really helped her.”
“Thanks,” he murmured, looking at the screen and avoiding my eyes.
“Try it and let me know how it goes.”
Jayce blew out a frustrated breath. “I just feel like I need to learn to deal with it on my own.”
“You don’t have to do it alone. If you want, I could stay next to you when you’re having your—” I paused. “Your problems.”
“I can’t ask you to babysit me after every concert.”
“It’s not babysitting,” I insisted. “It’s one friend looking out for another.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t want to be friends.” His eyes burned into mine and he shifted on the sofa, lightning fast, taking my face into his hands. “I want to be more than friends. Every time I’m next to you I can’t help but think about that night. All I want to do is kiss you again. Touch you again.” He groaned and leaned forward, resting his forehead against mine. “I’d give anything to taste you one more time.”
I froze, torn between kissing him and pulling away.
Jayce made the first move and let me go, sighing in defeat. He slumped down on the couch and rested an arm across his eyes as if he couldn’t even look at me.
“I still want you, but I know I can’t have you. Do you have any idea what that feels like?”
I fidgeted with my hands, pressing them against my thighs “…Yes. I know exactly what that feels like.”
Jayce removed his arm from his eyes and stared at me. “We both know why this wouldn’t work.”
I nodded, looking down at my hands.
Jayce stood up. “I managed before you showed up. I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry.” He strode out of the bus, leaving me alone.
We had both discussed at length why there could be nothing between us. Now there was a new complication. Aside from the same reasons as before, I was trying to make something work with Neil. I wasn’t free to date whomever I wanted.
I couldn’t help but wonder, though, if his relationship with his fans was hisonlyreason. Upsetting a few people wouldn’t be the end of the world, would it? It wasn’t like every single fan would care if he started dating someone.
Was there another reason Jayce was always pulling away?
Chapter Fifteen
Neil messagedme that morning and said he had some free time that afternoon to get together. He suggested we go out and get lunch somewhere away from the concert venue and the tour buses, just the two of us. I gladly agreed.
I waited in the hotel lobby for him at our agreed meeting time, but he wasn’t there. I turned on my phone to check the time. I wasn’t early. I was just on time. Maybe he’d just got caught up with some last minute work.
If there was one thing I hated, it was being late, and I hated being made to wait almost as much. I was usually understanding about these things, but it had been so long since our last date. The longer I waited, the more impatient I became. I stood there for twenty minutes before giving up and messaging him.
@AudioAileyHey, you on your way?
Ididn’t geta message back for several long minutes. I almost gave up and flagged down a taxi to take me to the concert venue to get a head start on the night’s work. Finally, my phoned pinged.
Sorry, something came up. Want to meet me at the hotel bar again? I can’t be away for long.
Sure. I’ll meet you there.
