Page 120 of Hard Rock Tease
Jayce was so extroverted and passionate on stage, always reveling in the attention of the crowd, but I had seen a different side to him these last few days. He was more restrained, almost subdued. What had made someone like that seek the spotlight?
“As long as I’m on stage, it’s fine. I’m playing a part. I can get into character. Photoshoots, interviews, whatever, I can handle it. It’s just that one moment, that line between stage and curtain. It’s almost like I don’t know how to act. I don’t know who I am.”
I’d never seen Jayce so out of sorts. I needed to reassure him.
“You’re Jayce Evans,” I said firmly, placing my hand on his arm. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re playing the cocky rock star or just a regular guy messing around with a guitar.”
He looked down at my hand, but didn’t shrug me off. I realized I’d touched him without his permission and pulled back.
“You may act a little different in person than when you’re on stage, but it’s not like you’re two completely different people.”
“Sometimes that’s how I feel.” He dropped his head and blew out a deep breath. “I go from being on stage, where everyone thinks I’m this invincible idol, to backstage, where all the staff and crew are waiting for me. I never know exactly who they’re expecting to see. I get lightheaded, cold sweats, the works. The only thing that calms me down is being alone.”
“I’m sorry I intruded.” I started to get up, but he put a hand on my thigh, squeezing it firmly.
“No, it’s okay.”
The heat of his hand on my skin ignited a fire between my thighs. I pressed my legs together and shifted where I sat. I had to cool it down. This was neither the time nor the place.
“A lot of famous people have social anxiety and panic disorders, you know,” I told him, trying to calm the storm raging within me.
“I feel like such a fake. Like I’m pretending to be this person I’m not.”
I could sympathize. I was always second-guessing myself when it came to my online presence. Did I sound cool enough? Genuine enough? Or did it sound like I was trying too hard? I worked hard to put on a persona of this cool, badass industry insider, but I was just some girl tapping away on her keyboard in her sweatpants. Would my followers still like me if they got to know the real me? I wanted Jayce to know that I understood.
“Everyone has a public face they show the world that’s different from their private face. Being a celebrity just heightens your situation.”
Jayce blew out a slow breath. “I’m sorry if I’ve been sort of lukewarm about your whole social media thing. I can handle the film crew. They’ve got a script, a schedule. I can prepare myself to be on camera.” He looked me up and down. “It’s harder with you. I didn’t expect to have you following me around all summer.”
“I’m sorry.” I glanced down at my feet. “If it’s any consolation, I didn’t expect to be following around a rock band this summer, either.”
“What were you planning on doing?”
I was surprised he had asked, but if he wanted to know more about me, I would gladly tell him my life story.
“I was going to take some summer college courses. I want to graduate early.”
“What are you taking?”
“Business, with a minor in marketing. Ideally, I’d like to do this kind of stuff for a living.”
“You’d be great at it. You’ve got a unique voice. It’s different from the other stuff out there.”
“Other stuff? You pay attention to the online music scene?”
“Yeah. Before we got picked up by Dark Sound, Feral Silence was just another garage band. I started watching out for what people were saying online, hoping to hear something about us. I started following a lot of music reviewers, especially the amateur ones. They didn’t care about stepping on toes. They said what they thought because they weren’t worried about being blackballed from the industry. It was refreshing.”
“I do try to be as honest as possible.” I hesitated before deciding to ask the question I’d been wondering. “Do you like the stuff I’ve been posting?”
“Yeah, sort of.”
It wasn’t the enthusiastic response I’d hoped for.
“I’m sorry if I’ve posted anything you don’t like. If you want me to take something down, just let me know.”
“No, it’s all fine. It’s just…” Jayce trailed off and gave me a considering look. “There’re a lot of music reviewers out there, but there’s one I’ve been following for a while. I kind of expected you to post the same kind of stuff she does.”
“What’s her name? Maybe I know her. The music scene is pretty incestuous sometimes.”
