Page 87 of Hard Rock Tease
At least, not on his part.
"Jen, what's wrong?" Ivy asked, distressed. "You look upset."
"Did that asshole hurt you?" Natalie asked in outrage, clenching her knife and fork in her fists. "Because if he did…" she stabbed her butter knife into the table.
I choked out a laugh. "Thanks, Nat."
"But something did happen, right?" she pressed.
"Noah has trust issues," I explained. "I just need to give him time."
I hoped giving him some space would allow him to see the mistake he'd made.
I spent some time reading up on Darkest Days gossip, especially gossip pertaining to Lily. I wanted to know if there were any disgusting trash sites putting a price on pictures of her. I couldn't find anything in my searches, but who knew what kind of gross stuff happened behind paywalls and on secret forums.
Even on normal sites, though, most of the comments were gross. Lily was only nineteen. It made me sick to think of the media and fans objectifying her like that. In my head she was just Noah's baby sister.
Somehow they'd found her social media accounts and were tracking her every move. Like Noah had said, she was traveling around Europe. From the photos she shared, it looked like sometimes she was alone and sometimes she was with friends.
Even if I hadn't known they were related, the resemblance would have made me wonder. Lily's dark hair and eyes were the exact same as Noah's. Their faces shared similar contours, although her cheeks had more of a cute cherub shape whereas Noah's was more angular with sharper cheekbones.
She was cute, there was no denying that. Noah would have to beat the guys off with sticks. I had no doubt he would act even more like the overprotective big brother type if and when she came home.
Perhaps, with all this attention, Noah would forbid it. He might force her to stay in London. I felt bad for Lily. It must have been hard to be sent away from everything she knew. It made sense that she would want to come back, if only to be with her brother again. Now that she was an adult, she could make her own decisions. Of course, I was sure Noah wouldn't see it like that.
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered. Sending your little sister out of the country was a drastic move. Of course, Noah was a dramatic person, as much he would have liked to think otherwise. It couldn't have just been that he was afraid for her safety. Surely he could keep a better eye on her if she were closer. God knew what kind of things a teenaged girl could get up to living abroad, far away from home and without any adult supervision.
His mother had left him. He was glad she was gone. He felt guilty he was glad. He'd been through hell in foster care, never able to show weakness. He'd done everything he could to protect his little sister. Noah and Lily against the world.
He also believed he'd failed her.
I knew that when Noah felt vulnerable, he tended to lash out and make bad decisions. Could this have been one of them? Had sending Lily away been less about her safety and more about Noah's own personal issues?
He was such a complicated person. Of course, I'd always assumed that to be true. Listening to his lyrics as a teenager, I'd always felt that Noah Hart was full of contradictions. He could write such lovely words of adoration and devotion, just as easily as he could write words of fury and wrath. His songs, the meanings behind his lyrics, were never one-dimensional. That's why I felt he understood me.
I loved my mother.
I hated my mother.
I felt guilty over her suicide, felt like it was my fault.
I felt relieved I no longer had to take care of her.
I was sad she was gone.
I was happy she had finally found an end to her suffering.
So many conflicting emotions inside of me. So many feelings for a teenager to deal with. It was no wonder Darkest Days was my favorite band. The contradictions I felt inside were reflected in the lyrics of Noah Hart. Noah's words spoke to me. There was something inside of him that mirrored my own experiences. Love. Hate. Guilt. Relief. Noah understood me. And I understood him.
It wasn't just a fangirl infatuation.
I was in love with Noah Hart.
And I just knew that, underneath all that pain and distrust, Noah loved me back.
I just needed to get him to open up and trust me again.
After I'd made a decision to confront Noah, the only thing I had to decide was when and how. I didn't want to show up at his door and pound on it until he opened it. The Noah Hart I'd gotten to know would probably leave me out there for hours, until I got fed up and left.
