Page 41 of Feral Touch
He didn't understand, but he accepted my decision. Either way an anonymous donor was still helping a student. It didn't matter whether it went to me or someone else.
I felt lighter somehow after telling him. Even though I still needed to figure out a way to pay my tuition, I felt better without having Ren's money floating over my head.
Ren. I still felt bad about how things had ended, but I didn't know what to do about it. He hadn't messaged me and the longer we went without contact, the more I was sure he was upset with me.
It was better to just leave things the way they were and get back to my old life.
I had been looking up other jobs, trying not to get discouraged. There had to besomething. I'd been foolish to rely solely on one job offer. I went back to my tutoring idea. So what if no one wanted to learn cello? I was good at math in high school and lots of kids needed tutoring in math. I could work it around my school schedule, on nights and weekends.
I wasn't just going to give up.
One subway ride and two buses later, I was back home and ready to start another job search. I refused to let myself wallow.
I wheeled my cello out of the elevator backwards and pulled it down the hallway toward my apartment door. A touch on my arm made me whirl around.
Ren.
I stopped, nearly letting go of my cello in shock. Ren rushed to steady it before it fell from my fingers and hit the floor. His hand cupped mine, fingers strong and warm despite the cool weather outside.
A long scarf hung around his neck. His hair was tucked up under a knitted winter hat. It wasn't cold enough for a hat or scarf, so I assumed he wore them as a disguise. He wore his black, slim-fitting pea coat so well he wouldn't have looked out of place on a runway. I was wearing a puffy black coat that made me feel like a lump of marshmallows.
Every time I saw him it was like I forgot just how good looking he was. I kept on remembering him as the teenager I'd once known, but Ren was most definitely a man now. I couldn't stop my body from responding to him; a flush crawled up my face and my breathing sped up.
“What are you doing here?” were the first words out of my mouth.
“Can we talk?”
“How do you know where I live?”
His own cheeks flushed, looking slightly ashamed. “I asked your friend Natalie.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “How do you know Natalie?”
“She submitted a video just like you. I had a way to contact her.”
“You convinced her to give you my address?”
Ren ducked his head, burying his face in his coat collar. “She gave it up pretty easily.”
That sneaky…
We were still standing in the hallway outside my apartment door. The look in his eyes was so hesitant, so distressed. I couldn't just kick him out.
“Come in.”
I called out to the girls, but they weren't home yet. Did they arrange to give me and Ren private time? Devious matchmakers. Once my coat, boots and cello were put away, I turned to face Ren.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“I want to apologize.” He looked around the room and gestured to the sofa. “Can we sit?”
My stomach muscles clenched unconsciously and an ache started up between my legs. I remembered what happened the last time we'd sat next to each other and gotten comfortable.
“Okay.” The word came out weak, shaky.
When we were settled in and facing each other, he took a big breath. “I think we've had a misunderstanding.”
I was silent, waiting for him to explain.
