Page 77 of Love Heals
Maybe I was never going to have a home.
"I'll leave," I said, even though I had no idea at all where I would go. Briefly, I thought about going back to Jared's, but then I saw Drizzit before my mind's eye again. The way he'd lain next to me, blood matting his fur, his hair on my tongue.
I shuddered as I turned away from Leandra.
"Silas..."
I glanced at her again. She looked so sad. I wasn't sure why until she spoke again.
"I can't let you leave."
"But—"
"I don't know what you saw on Nicolai's tablet. It's too dangerous to let you go." Both of her fists were clenched now, as if she was fighting with herself—and she was determined not to lose.
My mouth went dry. "You said you can't take me to the coven."
"I won't." Her expression hardened. It was then that I understood what she meant when she said she couldn't let me go. "You may not be loyal to the coven anymore, but I am." In a flash, she was behind me, grabbing me.
Adrenaline pulsed through me, spiking when she held a blade to my neck. Leandra was older than me. Much older. Even if I tried escaping her grip... "You don't have to do this."
"But I do." Her voice was grim.
"I didn't read anything useful."
She sighed. "I can't know that."
"I promise you."
"Please don't make this harder than it already is."
Leandra's words, the slight tremble in her voice, gave me pause. All my life, I'd had myself convinced that nobody cared about me—not really. How ironic was it that I realized I'd been wrong now that my life was about to end? Leandra cared about me. It was just that she cared about the coven more. I understood that. The coven did have to come first. If I hadn't forgotten that, I wouldn't be in this position now. I wouldn't have gotten both of us in this position.
But still, I couldn't betray Jared, or his siblings.
He'd cared about me too, hadn't he?
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, thinking of Jared. He'd made me feel cared for. Like I could be something more than I was. And I’d let him down.
The edge of the blade pressed against my neck.
My breath stopped in my throat.
If I had to die to keep the safe-house safe, then so be it.
Maybe that was for the best.
At least I wouldn't be anyone's pet anymore. I wouldn't be a vampire anymore. The way I should never have been a vampire in the first place. But if I had to die… I blinked my eyes open again. "Can I have a final request?"
"What do you want?"
"Can you stake me instead?”
Leandra paused. My request seemed to confuse her. “Why?”
“I want to see the sunrise. I want... if I have to die, I want the sun to do it." Staking didn’t kill a vampire right away. It rendered us immobile and stopped our hearts, which in turn destroyed our magic. That was what killed us in the end. I liked the idea of the sun cleansing my soul as I died, burning away my sins. To be able to see the sun rise one last time over a world that wasn't made for people like me, for vampires... to stare up at it as I died... To me, that was the best death I could wish for.
I was unnatural, and the sun would cure me of that status.
