Page 60 of Love Heals
I turned on my belly, forming a fist around my cock. Visions of Jared filled my mind again. I imagined his hands gripping my hips as his body rocked against mine, as his cock breached my hole. God, I wanted that. To feel him inside of me. He would be big, I was sure of that. It would burn. I squeezed my hand around my cock, a helpless whine escaping my lips.
Fuck me,I told the Jared in my vision, and then I thrust into my fist, imagining that it wasn't my own, that I wasn't alone in this bed, that Jared was holding me because I could finally be with him the way I wanted to be, without my sire getting in the way. I imagined getting to lick his skin, to taste his cock, to breathe in the smell of his musk as we fucked.
I moved faster, feeling my climax build.
You're going to get in trouble for this.
That voice in my head again. I shoved it aside. I wasn't going to get into trouble for this. There was no one here to punish me anymore. Except the voice just wouldn't shut up.
I rolled on my back again, as if the movement could shake it, because I was not about to lose momentum. I was so close now,so close...
I tried to picture Jared's mouth on me. What would that feel like? All warm and wet and—
He'll lock you in the cage for days.
My eyes snapped open and darted to the cage if only to reassure myself that it hadn't magically rebuilt itself. But no, it was still broken.
God, I'd destroyed so many things. The cage, the remote, the two bottles. I'd made amess.
Not important,I tried to remind myself.Nicolai's gone.
Except he was still alive in my head. That voice talking to me was starting to sound suspiciously like him too.
You know you're not supposed to lay a hand on yourself, pet. If you want to come you just have to behave well.
I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing my hand to keep moving on my cock because I wasnotgoing to let Nicolai ruin this for me. The words I heard were nothing more than a memory. They didn't hold power over me. They couldn't.
But they did.
Be a good pet and I don't have to punish you.Nicolai had always had this way of making his requests sound so...reasonablewhen he wanted to. Like he really wasn't asking much and I was the bad guy for refusing to falling in line, refusing to do my sire some simple favors.
My erection flagged, my climax disappearing in my rear-view mirror.Fuck,I cursed out loud, then immediately regretted it because my sire didn't like me to curse out loud either.
I grabbed a pillow and pressed it to my face, half-wishing I could just suffocate myself. At least the voices in my head would die with me, right?
The pillow smelled like the cologne Nicolai liked to wear. I inhaled the scent and held my breath for a moment, images of me and my sire flashing before my mind's eye. For a moment, it was almost as if he was with in the room with me. As if he was about to punish me for all the things I'd done, the way I deserved to be punished.
I tossed the pillow aside, tears pricking the corners of my eyes. Angry tears.Frustratedtears, because I'd discovered yet another order I couldn't disobey even though the man who'd given it was dead. Worst of all, it had never even been an absolute command. Nicolai had expected me never to touch myself even without putting magic behind his words.
And yet this order was just as binding as the other ones.
Listlessly, I cast my gaze about the empty room. I was all by myself. I was still free. For whatever good that did me. My eyes found the cage again. A bitter smile formed on my lips at the sight, because I knew now the real cage holding me wasn't a physical thing. It wasn't even magic either.
It was my own damn mind.
