Page 76 of Love Heals
"But you helped them."
"I only wanted them to escape."
Leandra's gaze hardened. "Why would you help them escape? Did you forget what they did to Zenon? What they would do to any of us? They're the enemy, Silas."
I held Leandra's gaze, but didn't know what to tell her. That deep down, I hadn't wanted to see Crimson turn into me? That was ridiculous.
"Were you staying with the mortals?" Leandra asked. "Tell me the truth. Have you told them about this coven too?" She glanced to the left. Probably in the direction of the morgue.
"I didn't tell them anything."
Leandra exhaled audibly, growing frustrated with me. "I want to believe you. But I can't discard the possibility that you've turned into a traitor. If you're a traitor, I can't let you go on."
"I never meant to hurt anyone."
"I believe that, but even if you never wanted to hurt anyone, I can’t be sure that your affiliations haven’t changed. Without your sire here..." she trailed off, but I knew exactly what she meant to say. That I hadn't been loyal to the coven but to my sire. That I needed someone like Nicolai in my life. Someone who controlled me, because I was a pet, and now I had found myself a new owner among our enemies. She didn’t think I had ill intentions because she didn’t think I made decisions for myself.
It stung, but I also saw where she was coming from. It was how I had spent most of my vampire life, after all.
"I can be my own person," I said.
One of her brows lifted. "What kind of person is that?"
If only I knew... "A vampire," I said, because wasn't that what I'd come to realize over the past couple of hours? I could never be anything more than a vampire. And a vampire needed a coven. "I'm not affiliated with the mortals. I'm not going to betray the coven."
Leandra looked me up and down, considering. "You're certainly a vampire, but not all vampires are loyal. Someone must have placed the bomb in our meeting room, after all."
I opened my mouth to tell her exactly who it was, then stopped. What would Vlad do to me if I ratted him out? Should I really risk telling Leandra about him?
"There's only one way you can prove your loyalty," Leandra said before I could come to a decision.
"What do I have to do?"
"Tell me where the mortals are hiding."
I stared at Leandra, my brain going into overdrive but my mouth not working. Why did she have to ask me the one thing I couldn't do?
"If you're a true vampire, they're your enemies, so it shouldn't be difficult."
"I don't know where they are."
"You're a poor liar."
I swallowed, feeling sweat prickle at the back of my neck. Leandra knew that I'd been with the mortals. There wasn't any good reason I couldn't lead her to them. No good reason aside from my feelings for Jared, anyway, but I could hardly tell her about those. "I'm not a traitor," I said. "I'm not going to betray the coven, but I'm not going to betray the mortals either."
"You can't have it both ways, little bird.”
A pang of regret hit me at that nickname. How often had she called me that? Back before the bomb. Back when my loyalty wasn't being questioned.
"You need to make a good choice here," she said. "If you don't tell me, I have to assume that you are the traitor everyone thinks you are. I can't take you to the coven like that. You know what they would do to you."
"They would kill me," I said, realizing that even now, Leandra was being kind to me in her own way. If she hadn't stopped me here...
"They wouldn't kill you. Not right away. They'd make you tell them everything you know about the mortals first."
A chill went down my spine as I imagined all the ways they'd try to get that information out of me. Leandra was right. I couldn't go back to the coven. Not while I wasn't willing to surrender Jared. Feeling myself deflate, I looked to the ground. Just when I'd thought I'd found my place again...
What was that they said about never being able to go home again? It was certainly true for me. Maybe that was just my fate. Hadn't my parents kicked me out too?
