Page 59 of Love Bleeds
I swallowed. That was the crux, wasn't it? No matter how much I wanted things to be different, Damian was never going to bejustDamian again. He'd told me the past months had changed him, maybe irreversibly.
But I had changed too. I had become someone who would toss a Millennium Falcon out of the window.
I didn't care if Damian was a vampire or not, but it wasn't enough to just think that way. It was a cop-out. It was denying that things had changed. I needed to stop doing that. I needed to man up and face reality.
"I want to kiss Crimson too," I said the words out loud at the same time that I thought them.
Remy smiled. "There you have your answer."
* * *
Crimson sat up when I reentered the bedroom.
Crimson... it was still weird to think of him that way, but I had to.
"Sorry," I said as I closed the door. "Did I wake you?"
"No, I wasn't sleeping."
"Oh." Had he been awake when I'd slipped out too? "I needed to...uh... think about a few things."
"That's all right." He flicked the bedside lamp on, even though he didn't need the light to see by. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I said, climbing back into the bed. "I thought about what you said earlier. You were right. Iwastrying to make everything go back to the way it used to be. That was... I've probably hurt you by acting that way."
"It's only natural. I understand that you miss your friend."
"I do, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy you're here. I thought you weredead.I thought I would never see you again. And even if you've changed, you're still you. Even if you're not Damian anymore, even if you never remember, there's a part of Damian that will always live on in you. It's more than..." I trailed off. "I'm sounding incredibly cheesy, aren't I?"
Crimson smiled at me. "It's fine. Go on."
I took a deep breath, hoping that maybe I was on the right track after all. "Point is, if you're Crimson now, that's okay with me. I won't try to pretend that things haven't changed for both of us anymore." I raised my wrist to look at it. "I mean, seriously, my brother is coupled up with a vampire, my nephew has fangs, and I have a magical mark on my body that burns as if only to remind me that I'm not a regular human either, and yet Istilltry to act as if none of that is real. How can I call myself a scientist when I ignore all the evidence pointing the other way?"
Crimson touched my arm. "It's a hard reality to accept. Not that long ago, we were both normal."
"And now we're not."
"No, we're not."
I licked my lips, eyes locking with Crimson's. "I'm okay with that. I can be okay with that. I will be."
"You'll try. That's all anyone can ask of you."
Try.It was almost like an invitation. My eyes darted to Crimson's lips.
"Luke," Crimson said my name to get my attention, but I didn't take my eyes off his lips. In fact, I could barely hear his voice over the thundering of my heart. He was so close now. If I was going to 'take the initiative', it had to be now. His mouth opened, to say something, no doubt, maybe even to tell me to go back to sleep, but sleep was the last thing on my mind.
Not willing to give myself a chance to chicken out, I leaned forward and brushed our lips together.
Crimson held completely still, almost as if in shock.
I wasn't going to let this moment go to waste, though. Closing my eyes, I ran my tongue over his lower lip to coax a reaction out of him. I wanted him to kiss me the way he had kissed me back at my family’s home. I'd liked that, even if I'd been too stunned in the moment to really enjoy myself.
When Crimson still didn't move, I stopped. "I'm not doing this in order to recover your memories," I promised, my lips almost touching his but not quite. I'd told Remy that I needed to gather data. Well, if the way I was feeling right now--wanting so badly for Crimson tojustkiss me--I had all the data I needed. "Do you not want to kiss me anymore? I get it if that was just something Damian wanted but not you, then--"
Finally,finally, Crimson shut me up by covering my mouth with his own. I shuddered.
The last time we'd kissed, my thoughts had been hazy due to the after effects of the attack and whatever effects my own magic had on my body. This time, my mind started out clear, but quickly turned foggy as the sensation of Crimson's tongue sliding against my own took over my thoughts.
