Page 52 of Love Bleeds
And just like that, my brain bluescreened again.
As much as I liked to tell myself that I knew everything there was to know about my friend, he was proving to me that that wasn't true. He looked like my Damian, and he sounded like him too, but the Damian I knew would never have said anything like that. This was a side of him that I hadn't seen before.
A side that he'd been hiding from me?
"I'm sorry." He drew his hand back from my shoulder. "I shouldn't have said that."
"It's okay."
"Your brother told me you're not into men."
My brother? Damian didn't have to specify. That could only have been Collin. All in the name of looking out for me, of course. "I'm..." I paused to think. I’d never considered myself gay, but if I wasn’t, then why was I so disappointed that he’d let go of my shoulder?
If I wasn't gay, I wouldn't have liked it so much when Damian kissed me. But in reality I caught myself thinking that I kind of wanted him to do that again, maybe.
Not thoughts a straight guy was supposed to have.
But it wasn't like I had these thoughts because Damian was a guy. It was just because Damian was... Damian.
"I don't know," I said eventually. "I've never been into men that way, but... I feel like... It's different with you."
"Different how?"
"Different like... I wouldn't mind if you kissed me." Especially not if it might help him remember something, but I didn't say that part out loud. My eyes hung on Damian's lips. I only vaguely remembered how they felt on mine. Both times we'd kissed, I'd been kind of out of it for different reasons. Too gone to analyze the details of what I was doing, caring only that Damian was back and that he was with me. I'd wanted him to know that I loved him, even if I wasn't sure if that love was romantic or not.
Now I had a chance to explore.
I licked my lips, nerves tightening in my stomach in anticipation. "Kiss me."
"Because you're hoping it might make me remember something?"
I hesitated--one second too long, because Damian got up from the bed. "You said you'd do whatever it takes, but that's not what I want. I'm fairly confident in saying that's never what I wanted."
I swallowed. "If you don't get your memories back--"
"I know," Damian cut me off. "But that doesn't make it okay for me to pressure you into anything. I've made my peace with the fact that you don't feel the way I do. Even before I became a vampire, I'd made my peace with that. I can tell, even if I don't remember. I never told you about my feelings, did I?"
"No," I admitted. "I had no idea."
"Because I didn't want you to." He gestured between us. "Because I didn't want this. You feeling like you have to kiss me."
"What if I want to?"
He let his hand sink to his side. "That would be different. But I doubt that's what you want. You want things back the way they were before I turned into a vampire. When I was still Damian."
"But youareDamian."
He gave me a thin smile. "I remembered your name, but not my own. I think that says a lot, don't you?"
I had absolutely no response to that.
"You didn't ask what I'm called now because you assume you already know everything," he went on. "I'll admit that maybe you know a lot more than I do, but there's things..." He trailed off, gathered his thoughts for a second. "I wasn't stuck in stasis for these past couple of months. I have done some horrible things."
My stomach churned. This was the kind of thing I tried not to think about. All the horrors Damian must have lived through in his time as vampire. "I'm--"
"Don't tell me you're sorry, it's not your fault."
I shut up, because I had been about to apologize.
