Page 38 of A Dragon's Miracle (Fires of Fate)
I raised an eyebrow at him to please continue, because clearly, I could seethat.“The fainting kind of tipped me off, man,” I tried to make light of the situation while using my free hand to stroke some stray hair back from his forehead.
Ryan gave me a tiny smile. “Sorry about that.”
I squeezed his hand. “You knew you were sick before you ended up here, didn't you?”And you didn't tell me anything.I didn't mention that last part out loud because I didn't want to him to go on the defense.
“Yes,” he admitted. “I've known for years.”
Years? “So it's something chronic?” I took his hand in both of mine. “We can deal with that. I want you to know I'll stick with you whatever it is.”Just tell me already.
Ryan's smile turned almost rueful. “I don't know how to say this.”
“Just talk, and I'll listen.” Exactly the same way Ryan had always listened to me go on and on about everything when we'd first met. I'd liked that about him. A lot of people simply 'put up with me' and the words that tumble out of my mouth when I'm excited, but Ryan had always seemed to care what I was saying. He'd always been a good listener to me. I could only try to be the same for him.
“I should have told you this a lot earlier,” Ryan said. “But I didn't want to worry you and I... had a way to deal with it, but that's over and I guess I can't keep it a secret anymore.” He took a deep breath. “It's cancer,” he said then. “Lung cancer.”
I felt like the world shattered and fell to pieces around me.
Had I heard that right?
I couldn't have.
He couldn't have said that.
That was... “It's curable, though, right?”
Ryan kept looking at me without saying anything and my stomach turned into knots. Why wasn't he saying anything?
“It's going to be okay, right?” I asked again, my voice a little louder this time, because Ryan couldn't just tell me that he had cancer and then shut up. What was I supposed to do if he was sick? I was a dragon, and I was ready to take it up with anyone who tried to threaten him, but this was one battle I couldn't fight for him. And the worst thing was, the longer I looked at him, the clearer it became to me that he didn’t even want me to fight.
“I might have until the summer,” he said eventually.
For a moment, I thought I was going to throw up, or break down, or both. His words didn't make anysense.Until the summer? “To live?” I wasn't going to accept that.
He took a shaky breath and the storm in my head calmed when I saw unshed tears glisten in his eyes. “I'm sorry.”
He was sorry? Fuck. He wasdyingand apologizing to me for it. What the hell kind of boyfriend was I? I couldn't freak out now. Later, yes, But for now, I needed to keep it together. For him.
I closed my eyes and counted to ten. Then I forced a weak smile on my face, the best I could do. “Don't apologize. I'm not mad at you.”
“You're not?”
“No.” Shocked and scared and confused, yes. Mad? Only at myself. “I wish you'd told me sooner. How can I be there for you when you don't? We're supposed to be a team, right?”And I'm doing my hardest not to fall apart right now, do you see that? I'm doing that for you. I can take this.
He blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb. “I'm sorry,” he said again. “I didn't... I never...”
“Hey, we're going to beat this, okay?” I had to believe that to keep it together. “I'm not giving up on you, so you don't get to give up either.”
I got up from the chair to sit on the edge of the bed and press a kiss to his forehead. “I don't care what happens, we're in this together.”
He nodded and closed his eyes. I kissed his lips. I'd waited far too long to be with him to let go so soon. “Rest now,” I whispered. “I'll be here when you wake up. Maybe even with chicken soup.”
That got a weak laugh from him. Much better than the tears. Maybe I didn't completely suck at this. Maybe.
I stayed with him until he fell asleep, stroking his hair in a way I hoped was soothing, all the while counting to a hundred and backwards in my head because I couldn't let myself think. The moment I did, I knew I was going to lose it.
When I was positive that Ryan was out, I gingerly got up from the bed and stepped out of the room to see if Zed was still around.
He was. He stood right outside the door with a cup of coffee for me. There was so much sympathy in his eyes it nearly killed me. He'd known all along, hadn't he?
Right that moment, though, that didn't make me angry. If anything, I was relieved that I didn't have to come up with words to tell him what I'd just heard.
Wordlessly, he held out the cup of coffee to me.
I refused it with just as many words and hugged him instead. And then I buried my face in his shoulder and cried like a baby.
