Page 59 of Until Next Time
“So?” I prod.
“It was just released today, Birdie. We didn’t know anything about the interview, sweetheart.” My mom, a jewel of a woman, admits.
“So get this.” I stand a little straighter, ready to give these people who I love most in the world a very detailed run down of my life.
“Picture this; River meets Dawsen, River brings Dawsen to our house to hangout. I develop crush on Dawsen. This crush evolves and grows every year, and every year I have to live with these unrequited feelings. Years pass, same song and dance, except now we’re all of dating age. I have to watch said crush go on dates, have girlfriends, and be who he is, while I try to do the same thing, but to my dismay, still can’t stop thinking about him. I journal, I write, I go to therapy to work through the crush. I’ve learned to live with the crush. I move away from the crush. I date other men, who all fail miserably in comparison to said crush. Then, I get fired, I move home, I end up getting hired by my crush. I end up stuck in a motel room in the middle of a fucking rain storm with my crush. My crush professes hisfeelings for me that apparently date way back, then ghosts me, then tells me he will never date me because he believes that he needs to suffer because of his choices leading to his mother’s death. I go to said crushes apartment and basically beg him to want me bad enough, and then said crush rejects me,again.” I take a huge inhale like I just ran a mile. And I kind of feel like I did.
Everyone is staring at me blankly, wide-eyed.
“So, yeah, I’m not doing great.” I reach across the table and grab River’s beer and take a big swig of it.
At that, River starts slow clapping.
“Hell yeah, I’ve always thought Dawsen and you would be great together.” River says, looking altogether too happy after my depressing monologue of my life.
“Did you not just hear a word I said?” I squint my eyes at him, annoyed by his complete lack of emotional response.
“Oh yeah, no, I heard all one million words you just said. I actually think it would have made a great drinking game. However; we’d have all been wasted right now if it was.”
I groan in frustration and stamp my foot like a toddler.
“He rejected the idea of ever pursuing anything with me, River! What part of this are you not understanding?” I’m crying, and I didn’t even realize it until I felt the wetness trail down my chin and then down my neck.
River leans back in his chair and crosses his arms, “I don’t know, Bird. Dawsen’s always been a moody little bitch like that. He named his entire business after you, he’ll give in eventually.”
“Oh, how romantic. I have always dreamt of my knight in shining armor justgiving in, eventually.” I deadpan, thoroughly pissed off.
“This whole thing is so fucked.” I say, pulling out a chair and plopping myself down. I throw my elbows on the table and bury my face in my hands.
“I don’t know how you didn’t figure out the name thing. I figured it out at the ribbon cutting ceremony.” Dad adds, nonchalantly, and almost with a twist of humor, which irritates me. Everyone’s attitude and lack of shock and disbelief is really pissing me off.
I stare at him, I’m sure I’m shooting daggers with my eyeballs.
“What?Southbound? Birdie, come on, your name is Birdie. The feather? The way he’s teased you and stared at you since you were in high school? I guess I just didn’t realize it was a secret.”
Casey and mom are laughing, trying to stifle it and I feel like I’m being pranked. Has it been obvious to every single person around me all this time? Why does it feel like I’ve just uncovered some rare fossil and nobody is impressed.
“I think he’s going to come to his senses, there’s just no way he would let you get away, Birdie.” Casey says, trying to match my energy.
“But that’s the thing. I don’t think he’s going to. He’s literally punishing himself, and this is how he’s doing it. He told me that.”
“Maybe you should ask him on a date?” Dad pipes up, and I scoff immediately at the idea.
“Not a bad idea.” Mom adds, and Casey and River both nod in agreeance.
I straighten in my seat, “You thinkIshould ask Dawsen out on a date?” As ridiculous as it sounds, there’s a tiny part of me that actually isn’t fully opposed to this idea.
“Yeah, I think that’s the natural progression of a relationship once someone tells you they like you.” River says, in a cocky asshole type of way that he does and Casey turns in her seat to face him. “Wow, River. I didn’t realize you knew what a date was. I figured you only knew the wordbootycall.”
“I’ve taken plenty of girls on a proper date, for your information, Casey.”
She rolls her eyes and they start to bicker, so I look at my mom and dad, “I don’t know if I’d be able to survive the embarrassment if he turned me down.”
My dad reaches out for my hand, “Sweetheart, there’s risk and there’s reward. And you have to weigh your options and really ask yourself if the risk is worth the reward.”
My dad has always had a way of being rational and extremely level-headed. It’s always brought me a sense of calm. He has simplified the most chaotic situations in my life. It’s not lost on me how special it is to have someone like that in my life.
“I think he’s worth the risk.” I say, because I fully believe it.
