Page 97 of A City of Smoke and Demons
Watching the way his eyes darkened, the way his face changed, his expression shifting into something close to pain was the most intimate experience of Analise’s life. She didn’t look away from him, couldn't even if she'd wanted to—she wasn't even sure she blinked. For Ezra, who hid behind jokes and fake smiles, to allow himself to be stripped so bare, to be so openly vulnerable,trusting,shook her to the core.
‘If this is going to be a joint production, you should probably get involved,’ he managed. ‘I don’t know how much more I can handle with you sitting there watching me.’
She kissed him, then kissed her way down his body. His hand shifted to her hair, leaving himself completely at her mercy.Analise flicked her tongue over him; his fingers tightened in her hair and his hips bucked. She teased him for a bit, then closed her mouth around him. The groan that left his throat made her insides melt. She was hyper aware of every sound he made, every flex of his fingers against her scalp, the way his muscles contracted.
‘Analise, I can’t …’
She pulled away and finished him with her hand as his back arched off the bed and a shudder tore through him.
With his head thrown back, chest heaving and mouth open, he was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.
Ezra’s face hurt from smiling, his brain floating somewhere in the afterglow from hours ago. Morning light was sneaking into the room. Analise was tucked against him, her head resting on his chest, where it had been most of the night. She was awake, drawing little circles on his stomach.
Her breath was warm on his skin. ‘We should get up,’ she whispered, and Ezra’s blood ran cold, his bubble exploding.
He’d forgotten.
He was going to die today.
She twisted so she could see his face. ‘I wish we weren’t experimenting on you.’
Ezra kissed her. ‘I trust you. But, if it doesn’t work …’
‘Then I’ll be there to help you move on, if I can.’
‘I could always hang around, as a ghost,’ he offered.
Analise shook her head. ‘No. Ghosts aren’t meant to be here. They’re tormented, trapped between two worlds. I don’t want that for you.’
He nodded, throat tight.
‘Can I do one thing for you?’ she asked.
He raised his eyebrows suggestively.
‘I’d like to cook you breakfast.’
‘I thought you were going to kill me with magic?’ Ezra said, laughing when she swatted him. ‘You can cook me breakfast, Analise. I’d like that.’
Analise was more nervous than she’d ever been in her life, but the eggs didn’t stick and she didn’t burn the toast. She watched Ezra’s face as she set his breakfast in front of him. This was possibly his last meal. She wanted it to be perfect.
‘I think the eggs are hard,’ she said.
‘It doesn’t matter.’
Analise couldn’t eat. Her stomach felt full of burning rocks, smothering the butterflies that appeared once she agreed to this. The enormity of this task was wrapped around her shoulders like a lead blanket, the threat of failure beating in time with her heart.
Death was so final, and the man sitting across from her was so alive. Maybe the Gendarme was right. Maybe she was dangerous. Maybe her power was against the laws of God. But, if so, why did she have it?
She thought of Charles in his lab, all the tools and knowledge at his fingertips. Was that it? Had science replaced magic? Had human understanding of the mechanics of death usurped the role the Daughters of Lilith were created to fill?
But science was focused on the here and now. It could not access the world that existed after death. It couldn’t usher a soul to where it belonged, or offer comfort in a person’s final moments. Science lacked humanity, Analise decided. Her desire when she left the convent was for a life of her own making, and she’d gotten that, or so she thought, but it was hollow. She’dbelieved she was happy in her solitude. In reality, she’d allowed herself to be lulled into a false sense of what life was. It wasn’t truly living when she was alone.
Not only had she not known other people, she realised she hadn’t known herself. There were parts of her that hadn’t begun to exist before she was pulled from her lonely existence into this new world of people, of feelings and needs, of longing and a desire to experience the good in life and in others.
Analise had waded in death for too long, thinking that was the only path available to her because of what she was. And now, her life was intricately bound to someone else’s existence. The threads that tied her to Ezra had taken her completely by surprise. The rush of emotion she felt when she was with him took her breath away sometimes. If anything, she was grateful to him for giving her that experience, even if he hadn’t intended it.
When Ezra finished his eggs, they headed down to the basement, each beat of her heart a warning that she had to get this right. She knew the science of it now—how the body worked, what the internal roadmap of it looked like, but she was terrified she didn’t know enough.
