Page 39 of Taming His Honeydoll
“You think?”
“I’m sorry,” he said simply, his blue eyes seeming earnest and full of regret. “It didn’t help that one of my friends ribbed me about getting a Dear John letter and not to be surprised if that happened. I dreaded the thought.”
There was a flicker of hurt across his face and then it vanished so quickly Emma wasn’t sure she’d seen it.
“And then when the letter you did write came, I was angry and devastated. I tried to move on but I never met anyone else who affected my libido the way you do. Every woman I met couldn’t compare to you, honeydoll. You had them all beat hands down.”
Emma stared at him, so many emotions churning inside her. She desperately wanted to believe him. But what if this was a ploy to get Levi into his life? Or another test of some sort that she couldn’t see right now? Maybe he just wanted to make peace with her so he could have Levi. After all, he hadn’t said anything about wanting to marry her. Her temples were beginning to hurt.
“I-I don’t know what to say, Sawyer,” she breathed faintly, closing her eyes against the throbbing around her temple and eye. “I need time to think about this.” She reached up and rubbed her forehead to ease the ache.
“You’re hurting again. It’s time for you to go to bed and get some rest. The last two days have been crazy and we can talk more tomorrow. For now, I just wanted you to know that I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I’ve kicked myself in the butt figuratively speaking, ever since.”
She caught his earnest gaze. “That means a lot, Sawyer, it really does. It doesn’t change the fact that you hurt me deeply.” Trembling lips were hard to control but Emma tried. “I trusted you,” she whispered, taking a deep breath to keep the tears at bay. “I still love you too, but that trust has been broken and right now, I don’t know how to get it back.”
Sawyer nodded and she could see the lump he tried to swallow in his throat. “I can wait,” he finally replied. “Just give me a chance and I’ll show you how much you mean to me—how much you’ve always meant to me.”
Mutely she finally nodded. “I’ll try, but right now, I’m getting a bit nauseous again.” She wondered how much of the headache was coming from her injury and how much was from the anxiety engulfing her emotions. Why couldn’t Oliver have been the one with the weak stomach? Life was so unfair at times.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Sawyer helped her off his lap and they left the barn. Walking in the moonlit night with her hand tucked warmly into his big one was surreal. It felt so right yet that wounded part of her heart still refused to open fully.
The warmth of the kitchen enveloped them when they entered the backdoor and saw Rachel sitting at the table with a cup of tea in front of her. The scent of cinnamon and pumpkin lingered in the air. Probably from the platter of pumpkin bars under the dome glass of the cookie pedestal plate steaming up the glass.
“Would you two like some tea and fresh pumpkin bars?” Her eyes studied them with concern in those blue depths, so like Sawyer’s.
“No, thank you, although they do smell heavenly, Rachel,” Emma answered. “I’m not hungry right now.”
“Emma’s headache is coming back so she’s going to take a pain pill and lie down,” Sawyer added. “I’ll be back for one of those though,” he promised, eyeballing the pumpkin bars.
“Do you want a cup of tea to take to the bedroom for the pill?” Rachel asked. She stood up and checked Emma’s eyes. Your eyes look to be dilating properly and the swelling has receded a bit more. I think you will probably feel much better in the morning.”
“Nurse’s training kicking in,” Emma joked feebly. She’d learned earlier that Rachel was a nurse who had retired when Sawyer’s father had been terminally ill with cancer. She had medical issues of her own she was dealing with, but nothing terminal, thankfully. She’d only worked a few prn hours to supplement her income. She’d just gotten off a shift when she’d met Emma and Levi in the park last week. It seemed like an eternity had passed because so much had happened in a few short days.
“I believe I would, thank you.” She allowed Rachel to pour her a cup of tea and then she carried the cup to the upstairs bedroom she was sharing with Levi. The farmhouse was two stories with two bedrooms upstairs and the master bedroom with a bathroom and den attached downstairs. The rooms were big though. Rachel had pulled a rollaway bed out of the walk-in closet and set it up for Levi before they arrived. The guest bed had been made up with a soft comforter in a deep rose color.
Central air and heat had been added to the home years ago, and the kitchen and baths had been remodeled as Rachel and Carter had time and money. One thing she really loved about the house was the original oak beams in the ceiling. So many old homes were remodeled with drop ceilings for a more modern look, but Emma loved the high ceilings with the beams showing.
Quietly she turned the doorknob and the faint glow of the nightlight plugged in near Levi’s bed sent its beams through the crack.
“Is he still asleep?” Sawyer whispered in her ear. “If you leave the door open a crack, I’ll leave mine open too so I can hear him if he wakes up.”
“I-If you don’t mind, that would be great,” she whispered back. “The medicine makes me really sleepy so I might not hear him. He’ll probably just crawl in bed with me, but it’s nice to know I have a back-up.” She was trying to be nice when her first instinct was to hiss at him that she didn’t need his help.
“I’ll always have your back from now on,” he promised, dropping a light kiss on her lips at her reply. “If you need anything, just yell.”
He waited until she was inside and had left a crack in the door. Emma heard his footsteps down the hall as she made her way to the nightstand where she’d left her purse. As she sat on the side of the bed and gazed out the window into the moonlight, she sipped her tea and took the pain pill. The tea was soothing as her thoughts wandered.
Her bottom was achy against the comforter and she did resent Sawyer spanking her, but it wasn’t the end of the world she’d thought it would be. The real event was not nearly the horrible experience she had dreaded as her first time ever.
Being honest with herself, she’d wondered if Sawyer would eventually take her to task—he’d threatened her enough times in their short dating life. It had always shot a thrill through her when he’d mentioned spanking her for the brat she was. The thrill of curiosity, excitement, and a little flip to her abdomen that his threats gave her always seemed to leave her panties a bit damp.
But that was when she’d trusted him.Now she just resented it because he had no right—he’d destroyed her trust and left her hanging.
Restlessly she tried to look carefully at the words he’d spoken. At least he’d admitted he made a mistake. It was a beginning.
To be fair, they had only dated a few weeks, but she’d known she’d loved Sawyer with everything in her. Her virginity had been a gift she’d been saving for the right man and he was that right man. She’d begged him to love her.
It was embarrassing in retrospect.
