Page 70 of Wretched Soul
My laugh chokes me. I’d practically given her the script, and she still manages to fuck it up. Play nice with Barrett is what she means. I give up.
First chance I get, I’m going to buy the biggest bunch of flowers and put them on my mom’s grave. And it won’t have Alice’s name on the headstone.
I turn back to the woman who birthed me one last time. “If you knew me at all, Alice, you’d know I never play nice.”
Chapter 22
Lily
When I arrive home after what has to be the most eventful business trip of my entire life, I feel strangely empowered. In recent months, I’d let Connor use me for his own advantage, and I hadn’t put up a fight. I’d let Shade invade my privacy while he kept impenetrable walls around his. I’d let these men treat me however they wished without consequence.
And even though Connor has paid the price for his duplicity, it was Shade who meted out the punishment. I was a bystander in my own life, and I was even prepared to let Shade get away with his questionable behavior. I’d literally dropped to my knees in the lodge and begged him to treat me however he liked, despite the liberties he’d already taken.
Discovering Shade had listened to my voicemails had finally brought me to my senses, but a part of me didn’t want to let him go when he kissed me in the motel parking lot. I might have given in too if he hadn’t already made his fatal error.
When Shade had caught the motel key, he made a remark about not letting anything slip through his fingers unless he was willing to let it go. That got me thinking about the day we’d met. He’d dropped his car keys after forcing me to a stop on the exitramp. I stupidly thought I’d intimidated him, but it was a move he’d expertly choreographed.
After pulling over for a comfort break on my way back to Chicago, I’d found the tracker exactly where I knew it would be. That’s how he’d found me yesterday even though I’d switched off my cell phone.
Closing my front door, I heave a sigh as I turn the newly installed locking mechanism that may not keep all intruders out.
What now?
Do I follow through with my threat and tell Shade our game is over? Do I give him an ultimatum? Do I insist we stick to the normal rules of society, or else we end things? Is that what I want? Am I ready to walk away if he can’t give me that?
As I take my overnight bag into my bedroom and start to unpack, I tell myself I’m an intelligent, independent woman and I can live without my shadow. I keep to that mantra until I reach the bottom of my bag and pull out a crumpled t-shirt. Shade’s t-shirt. The one I’d been wearing last night.
As I unfurl it, two sets of underwear fall onto my bed. There’s the red lace set Shade had peeled off me in front of the fire last night, and the black silk set I’d been wearing this morning when he’d dripped melting snow over my skin. They’re still damp. I didn’t pack these. Shade must have slipped them into my bag while I was in the bathroom just before we left.
My resolve wobbles as I strip down to my underwear and slip on his t-shirt, but the tears only start to fall when I remember what had been the catalyst to our latest argument. Rubin died and I didn’t even know.
I hadn’t seen my dog for two years, and I wonder if he still remembered me. I wonder if he missed me. I didn’t get to say goodbye to him, just like I never got to say goodbye to Luke. Fear wraps its fist around my heart. What would I do if somethinghappened to Mom or Dad without me ever speaking to them again?
I curl up in bed and stay there for the rest of the day. Kaitlyn thinks I’m still at the lodge with my mystery man, so I’m not disturbed as Saturday slips into Sunday. It’s one of the days my mom usually tries to call me, and after making a half-hearted attempt to eat some breakfast, I realize I’m waiting for her call. And I might just answer.
After making a coffee, I try to recapture that initial feeling of empowerment from yesterday. I’d been almost euphoric when I’d located the tracker on my car and turned to give Shade the finger. I knew there’d be a good chance he’d check security cameras once he worked out he was tracking the wrong car, and I wonder if he’s seen it yet. Taking control felt good. I should do it again. I don’t have to wait for Mom to call.
Picking up my cell, I dial her number. She picks up before the second ring.
“Lily?”
I can hear the vibration of her racing heart in her rapid breaths.
“Hi, Mom.”
Her sobs are loud and gut-wrenching, and soon we’re both sobbing. She tries to say something, but she can’t get the words out. I try to speak and fail too. After an excruciating length of time, there’s the sound of shuffling and another voice comes on the line.
“Hello? Who is this?” my dad demands.
He can’t have been in the room when Mom answered, and his voice is twisted with anguish. They’ve been waiting for a call, and I wonder if he thinks this is the one they’d been dreading – a repeat of the one they got the night Luke died.
My stomach hollows, and I use all my strength to swallow the next sob. “It’s me, Dad,” I say. “I’m fine… Well, I’m as fine asa mean and heartless daughter can be.” I gasp a breath. “I’m so sorry for keeping away. Do you hate me? Does Mom hate me?”
“Oh, sweetheart,” he says, his words choppy, but I sense a trembling smile. “We don’t hate you. We love you so much. We’ve been longing for this day.”
“Tell Lily I’m sorry,” my mom says to Dad. “Tell her I didn’t mean those awful things. I don’t blame her. We could have offered to pick Luke up. We could have stopped him going out and drinking so much. We could have done so many… so many things differently.”
“I switched to speaker phone,” he tells her softly. “She’s listening.”
