Page 83 of Wretched Soul
She presses her hand to my chest. She must be able to feel my heart hammering in my chest. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”
I inhale deeply and try to expel the anxiety. “I’m done with our game. I didn’t invite you to the VIP area so you could try to find out my name, I was going to tell you myself,” I say. “If you still wanted to know.”
“I do. So, tell me.”
I shake my head. “When you’re feeling more clear-headed and you’ve had time to think about everything. All you have to do is ask me, Lily. You have my number. You can call me any time.”
“I have your number?” The way her brows knit together tells me I’m right not to let her make that decision yet.
“I added it while we were at the lodge. When you made me remove your tracker.”
“OK.” She’s quiet for a moment as she traces the contours of my chest and shoulder.
“And once you know who I am, you don’t just get my name. You get all of me,” I warn. “We’re not talking text messages and second dates. You get me and all my fucked-up ways. You get the life I lead, and you get my slightly unhinged family. Do you understand?”
“There’s a line I’d have to cross,” she whispers. “And if I’m willing to step over it, I have to be all in.”
She’s not as confused as I thought. “Yes, because I’m already all in.”
I let that statement settle, but there’s so much else I need to say. I’ve been practicing this speech all night. But if we are having this conversation, I’m still not pushing her for a decision on our future. Not today.
“I’m your shadow, Lily. I might be in front of you, behind you, or at your side, but we’re always going to be connected. And while you can choose not to be a part of my life, I’ll still watch over you, even if it has to be from a distance. Don’t ask me not to protect you because that’s not going to happen. I can step back if I have to, but I can’t step away. I’ll respect your decision if you can’t take me as I am, but don’t be surprised if I hack into your online dating apps again and vet the bastard who gets to win your heart.”
Lily lifts off my chest with a gasp. “Oh, my god. Was that you? Did you disable all of my accounts?”
My hand strokes her throat as my fingers reach through her damp hair to the nape of her neck. “I’ve done worse things in your name. Much worse.”
She scrutinizes my features. “Even worse than breaking arms?”
“Yes.”
Lily knows the question to ask, but it takes a moment for her to prepare for the answer. “Is this about the guy who drugged me? Did you find him?”
“You weren’t his first victim, but you are his last,” I say. It’s possible her reactions are just slow, but she doesn’t recoil in shock. I can’t leave it this vague. “I killed him, Lily.”
Her reaction isn’t what I expect. It’s worry that etches her face. “What if you get caught?”
“I won’t. His body will never be found and all physical traces of what happened at the club have been removed. I can do that. All it took was one phone call.”
“Have you killed before?”
“When I’ve had to, yes. To protect myself and those I love, or those who can’t protect themselves,” I say, leaving her to decide where she fits on that list. “I try to stay on the right side, but sometimes it’s a very fine line to tread.”
“Are you trying to scare me off, Shade?”
I swallow hard against whatever the fuck emotion has me in a chokehold. “I just need to be very clear so you know what kind of man I am, Lily. When I killed the man who drugged you, if I hadn’t been in such a rush to get back to you, I would have made him suffer. And I would have enjoyed it.”
Her eyes have grown heavy, as if the effort of trying to process what I’m saying has exhausted her. “When you left the lodge last week, was that to go and kill someone?”
“No. But it was to watch someone die,” I say. “It was my mother.”
Her expression falls. “Your mom died? Shade, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you just say what was happening?”
“Lily–”
“I shouldn’t have been such a bitch.”
“Lily,” I say more forcibly. “Not my mom. I’m talking about the woman who walked out on me before I was old enough to form that word. I don’t grieve her. If anything, I’m more grateful of the time I had with the only mother I knew. I don’t need sympathy.”
