Page 42 of Raven's Instinct
“I don’t drink,” Alan said. “Though you are always welcome to.”
“Oh,” Kendra said in surprise, like everyone did when the topic came up. “Is there a reason?”
“My hearty Russian vodka-loving genetics are at war with my low-tolerance Yu’pik genetics. I saw what drinking could do to people, and how easy it was to get addicted to it, and I decided at a very young age that the easiest way to quit was not to start. I can’t say I haven’t been tempted, but I’ve never been sorry. And it makes me very popular as a designated driver.”
“That’s very wise of you,” Kendra said. “I admire your resolve. Though I suppose, like hot baths, that’s a thing I haven’t done since before I was pregnant, either.”
There was that opening again. Alan let it pass with effort that Kendra apparently didn’t miss.
“You haven’t asked me about Amy’s father.”
“I figure it’s none of my business,” Alan said firmly.
“Like my driving record and my vital statistics?” Kendra needled him.
“Touché.”
“Did you…find anything about it? About Amy’s father, I mean?” Had he gone looking for it?
“Not a shred,” Alan said. “Which is when I realized that if you didn’t want people to know, I needed to respect that.”
Kendra gave an exhale. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “I mean, I’m relieved that I didn’t leave any breadcrumbs. And I appreciate that respect. But…I think I shouldtellyou. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of, but it’s part of who I am and how I got here.”
“The living room?” Alan suggested. “There’s a bedroom in that direction, but I don’t want to be That Guy.”
“You could not possibly be That Guy,” Kendra said, but she led him back to the living room and took a seat on the couch, inviting Alan to sit beside her. She laid her hand on his thigh. “I know That Guy. That Guy is Amy’s dad.”
29
KENDRA
Kendra had dreaded trying to broach the subject, but when she caught Alan’sI am NOT going to askexpression, she knew she had to try.
“Amy’s dad and I were together for six months, give or take. Charlie worked IT for a pharmaceutical company in Vegas, and I was a traveling vet. We met at a medical convention and had drinks afterwards and after that we hooked up kind of casually for a while. I had an apartment then—shocking, I know—and we always met there. He said he lived out of town, but never told me exactly where. It was a red flag, but I thought we’d get more serious when I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t trying to, but we got careless. There was a week I couldn’t get my prescription of pills refilled, the condoms might have been expired, I was stupid, it didn’t seem like a big risk because I thought we were ready to take the next step.”
Alan put his hand over hers on his thigh—his very shapely thigh!—and Kendra reminded herself that it was her libido that had gotten her into this mess.Tell him everything, then see if he still wants anything to do with you,she told herself.
Of course he will,her owl insisted.He’s your mate.
Soulmate? Lifemate? Kendra wanted to share her owl’s relentless optimism, but birds had their own understanding of relationships (and also bills, credit scores, and gas mileage) that didn’t always match the real world.
“So when I realized that something was up and took the test, I told him I needed to talk.”
Alan’s thumb was making easy, lazy circles on the back of her hand, but he didn’t offer any comments.
“Before I told him I was pregnant, I told him I was a shifter. I showed him what I could do, and I explained that it was strictly a secret, and that Itrustedhim. He promised never to tell anyone, and then asked me why I’d told him. I explained that I was pregnant, that our child would probably be a shifter, and he completely panicked.” Kendra chuckled without humor. “I thought that the shifter thing would be the big deal. That was my huge secret. I thoughtIwas the reason we hadn’t gotten more serious before. And when he took it so well, I was likeyes, this is it. This is my happy ever after.And itsowasn’t.” She realized that her other hand was over her belly protectively and wasn’t sure how it had gotten there. “He told me to get rid of it.”
Alan hissed. Did he guess how this story went?
“I asked if it was because our kid might be a shifter like me, but…” Kendra felt the air go out of her. “He wasmarried.Iwas the other woman. And she was some kind of big shot at his company who wouldn’t want her husband’s bastard kid out there mucking things up and he wasn’t going to pursue a divorce. I don’t know who she was, I didn’twantto know who. I don’t even know if I ever knew his real name. I just wanted to go far away and lick my wounds and start my life over with my baby, so I did. I can’t regret itallbecause, because of Amy, and we genuinely did have some good times, but I wasso stupid.”
She had tried and tried to paint the relationship to herself as anything but the disaster that it was, but the cold fact was thatshe’d been an idiot. Shewantedto see romance where there was only sex. She’d been so desperate for affection that she’d gone out on a limb and been left there. Her owl had been baffled by her attraction, but instinct had never stepped in and specifically stopped her, so Kendra let herself believe she could make it work.
Alan’s thumb had stopped rubbing. Kendra told herself that it was only a matter of time before he asked her to take Amy and go.
Why are you being so dramatic?her owl asked in exasperation.
“If he was here right now, I’d probably do something regrettable,” Alan said, so mildly that it was hard to match his words to his tone. “He didn’t deserve you.”
