Page 17 of All in December
“Let’s go to Bonanza for the first run,” Sam decides as he tugs on his ski boots.
“Oh, yeah! I want to do that too!” Benji piggybacks on.
I glance at Nash, who gives the boys a big, warm smile. “We can make that happen.”
A chorus of “yes!” and “awesome!” follows.
Every part of me is thoroughly impressed with Nash, because this man—who I only met yesterday—is already fitting into our little world like he’s always belonged. He and his son are slipping into place beside me and mine. The way he shows up for me and Sam is answering questions I’ve spent years avoiding.
CHAPTER 8
Nash
Just like yesterday, today is perfect.
Normally, it’d be because there’s inches of fresh snow for us to ski on, but today, it’s because I woke up spooning Caleb. I would’ve stayed under the covers with him all morning if I could have, but the kids wanted breakfast, so skiing with him again today feels like the next best thing.
The boys are ahead of us now, side by side on the two-person chairlift, their skis resting on the bar. We’re a chair behind them, and for once, I’m grateful for the separation to spend some alone time with Caleb.
Something is building between us, and I need to know if I’m the only one feeling it. It’s not just the way he let himself sink into me last night or how he didn’t rush out of my arms this morning.
It’s what I overheard this morning.
He told Sam I’m great, that being close to me felt good.
Even though I didn’t hear the whole conversation, I can’t stop thinking about how honest that part sounded. Maybe he’s not as far behind me in these blooming feelings as I thought.He feels like the one I’ve been waiting years to find, as insanely fast as that sounds.
The boys are waiting for us off to the side of the drop zone, and once we catch up, they waste no time heading down the run. We follow, carving down the mountain a little more carefully than our sons, who have no concept of gravity or fear.Ah, to be young again.
At the bottom, the boys want to go again, of course. After checking the time, we agree to a couple more runs and load back onto the lift.
As soon as we get situated on the lift this time, Caleb turns to me. “Last night,” he starts quietly, “that wasn’t… weird for you?”
“No,” I answer quickly, hopefully leaving no room for doubt. “It wasn’t.”
He nods slowly, like he’s thinking through his next words carefully. “Are you…?”
I don’t say anything for a second, and when it’s clear he isn’t going to finish his question, I think about how I want to word my response. “I’m bi. I’ve gone on a few dates with men since my divorce, but none of them ever led anywhere. In college, I hooked up with a guy a few times, but that’s it.”
He nods again, giving me a shy smile as his cheeks heat.
“Well, okay, cool. Thanks for telling me.”
“Of course.” I pause, studying him, sensing there’s more he wants to ask, but he’s probably holding back after asking about my sexuality. I want to give him the space to ask, but also let him know I’m not hiding any parts of me, either. “I married my college girlfriend. We divorced four years ago, and I haven’t seriously dated anyone since. I’ve met a few men, but… they weren’t right. I’ve enjoyed it, but it’s been hard to find something real.”
Caleb’s gaze drops to the safety bar in front of us, fingers tightening just slightly as he starts twisting his hands around it. I don’t know how he’s going to react to that, or if he’s interested in me at all, but with the way I’m feeling already, I want to lay it out there.
After a moment, he opens his mouth, but he swallows the words. “Fuck,” he breathes to himself before trying again. “I’ve never been with a man,” he nearly whispers, but I hear him loud and clear.
I’m not sure if that means he’s interested in men but hasn’t been with one, or if this is some kind of bi-awakening for him. Either way, he seems to be bracing for something that feels like a mix of judgment, discomfort, and maybe even regret, but he doesn’t need to brace with me.
I reach over and place my gloved hand over his, trying to offer him that same comfort he was explaining to Sam this morning.
“That’s okay,” I say gently, because it is. He looks up at me, light blue eyes dusted with hazel locking on mine, and gives me a small smile.
I don’t want to push him, but I’m curious about what this could mean for us. We only have so much time left here, and I’d hate for us to leave the mountains without him knowing that I’d love to keep exploring this connection between us. If he’s not into it, then I’ll lick my wounds and move on, but I can’t do that until I know.
“You don’t have to say more if you’re not ready. But I want you to know I’m here. I’d like to understand what it means for you, if you ever feel like talking about it. I’m not expecting anything, I just wanted you to know I see you,” I add.
