Page 39 of All in December
He’s quiet, and for some reason, I feel the urge to open up and share more of myself with him.
“It’s been a long time since I felt… safe with someone, and I didn’t know how much I missed it,” I start.
He shifts closer, pressing a kiss behind my ear. “You are safe with me, baby. I’ll always make sure of that.”
I let out a small laugh. “God, I feel so ridiculous even saying that, but something about you just cracks me right open. Makes me feel like I can be vulnerable.”
“I’m glad you trust me,” he responds. “It sounds like maybe this is the first time you’ve ever truly been able to be your full self with someone, and I’m glad I get to see the real you.”
I take a breath in, exhaling slowly. It feels easier to admit this in the dark with him wrapped around me from behind. “Yeah. It is. I’ve always hidden parts of myself. But with you, I don’t feel like I need to hide or change because you make me feel safe enough to explore the desires I’ve kept hidden.”
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
It’s been a long time since I talked about my past, but it feels like right now, this is what I need to do.
“I grew up in small-town Missouri in a tight-knit, church-going, conservative community. My parents were… traditional, to put it nicely. I liked girls, but somewhere along the way, I realized I also started noticing guys. But I didn’t realize it could be both because I didn’t know being bi was a thing. You were either straight or you were gay. There was no in-between. And if you were gay, well… you better not be.”
He wraps his arms around me fully, holding me tight.
I pause to catch my breath. “So I dated women, and had relationships I really cared about. I got engaged, and I wasn’t faking that relationship. I did love her. I just kept the other parts of me locked down so deep I pretended they didn’t exist, or tried. Your ex knew you were bi, but mine didn’t. I feel like such a shitty person sometimes for not telling her, but I never felt safe enough to share that part of me. Then, after our divorce, it didn’t feel right to start exploring myself because I was now a single parent. It felt scary, and I felt so far behind even though I knew I really wanted to try dating men.”
I feel Nash exhale against my shoulder, his body curvingcloser. “I’m really glad you’re letting yourself explore this now.”
“Me too, and I’m even happier it’s with you,” I say, swallowing down the rest… for now.
“Me too. I really like spending time with you and getting to know you,” Nash responds, and I nod in his arms.
We lay there like that for a while—our legs tangled, the sheets pulled up around us, our fingers still locked together in front of my chest. Every now and then, one of us shifts to get more comfortable, but neither of us lets go.
And eventually, I feel him drift off, not far behind him.
And I think to myself?—
I want nights like tonight again.
And again.
And again.
CHAPTER 18
Nash
Iwake up feeling squished. There’s a knee in my back and a tiny arm slung over my shoulder.
It takes me a second to remember where I am. I look down and see Emma sprawled out sideways between Caleb and me, the blankets pulled up over her, and she’s snoring softly. I look over her to find Caleb’s already awake, watching me behind his glasses with the kind of look that’s equal parts affection and amusement.
“She came in sometime after midnight,” he whispers. “Said she had a bad dream, and I figured it was fine since you told me this might happen, so I didn’t wake you.”
I nod, smiling at him. It’s comforting to know he’s naturally good with my kids and thoughtful, even when half asleep. Not everyone would’ve known how to handle that situation.
“Well, she’s got great timing,” I murmur, glancing down at her sleeping between us. “And I mean that literally. So glad we were clothed and asleep.”
Caleb laughs under his breath, careful not to wake her. “Yeah, I had that same moment of panic.”
I shake my head and look over at him. “You handled it perfectly,” I say quietly. “If she didn’t beg for me, she already trusts you, and that’s huge. Thank you, Cay.”
His eyes soften, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt something hit me quite like that look. This right here—him in bed with me, talking quietly while my daughter sleeps between us—looks a lot like the future I’ve dreamed of.
