Page 16 of All in December
Sam tilts his head, waiting, and I have no idea what to say, so I go with the truth. Or some version of it.
“I just… wanted to,” I say honestly, even if it sounds weird out loud. “Sometimes grown-ups cuddle when they feel close to someone. It’s… like a comfort thing.”
He nods, chewing on that for a second. “Like when I sleep with you after a nightmare?”
“Exactly like that,” I say, relieved.
“I hate nightmares.” He shudders at the thought. “Did you have a nightmare?”
“No,” I admit.
“Then why did you cuddle?”
There’s nothing like children to make you figure out answers you don’t know and explain yourself.
“Well,” I start, stalling for time I don’t have. “Because the comfort felt nice. I think Benji’s dad is great, and being close to him just felt good.”
Sam squints at me. “But you’re a grown-up,” he says, confused.
“I am, but grown-ups need comfort too. We get scared. We get tired. We feel things and don’t always know what to do with them, just like you.”
He seems satisfied with that, for now. “Okay,” he shrugs, turning back to Benji.
“My dad’s the best!” Benji declares, and I chuckle at that.
“He sure is,” I agree easily.
I let out a deep breath, then practically collapse into myself when I turn and see Nash standing there. I must’ve missed the sound of the bathroom door opening.
Add it to the ever-growing list of embarrassing things I keep doing around him. My face is hot, and my heart is stillracing as I think about how long he’s probably been there and how much he heard.
I quickly get up to grab my stuff and head toward the bathroom. Nash is smiling at me as I approach.
“We can talk about that later, or never,” I whisper as I walk past him into the bathroom.
“Sure, sure.” He laughs as I close the door behind me.
As soon as I’m inside, I lean over the sink and splash cold water on my face. Nash makes me feel good, nervous. I forgot what it feels like to have a crush on someone, even if that sounds so juvenile.
Being with a man is something I’ve desired for so long, and even though this feels too fast and too risky—especially with our kids involved already—it’s also something I know I need to allow myself to explore.
I just hope he feels the same. He’s given me every indication that he does.
By the time I come out, sweatpants and a hoodie on, contacts in, and teeth brushed, Nash is helping Benji zip up his coat, and Sam is fully dressed. Nash looks over at me and offers a soft smile. “Just finishing getting them ready so we can go grab breakfast whenever you’re set.”
My heart swells. He didn’t have to help Sam get ready while I was in the bathroom, but he did, and now he wants to keep spending the day together. I had a moment of doubt that he’d act weird or pull away, especially since I keep embarrassing myself, but he isn’t.
“There’s a breakfast place right next door,” he adds. “It had good reviews. Does that work?”
“That’s perfect.” I smile. “Thanks for looking it up.”
“Of course.” He smiles back. “Alright, Benji, put your hat on and we’ll head out.”
“You too, Sam,” I echo.
When we get outside, it’s not snowing like it was yesterday. It’s a slow, steady stream of big, fluffy flakes. The roads are finally plowed—not that I’m in any rush to leave. I want to soak up as much time as possible with Nash.
At the restaurant, we all order our breakfast, and the boys get the exact same thing. Then we head back up to the room to pack and get our gear ready to head to the mountain.
