Page 5 of Safer Together
“Tea is fine thanks”.
I retrieve two large mugs from the cupboard above the kettle along with two English Breakfast teabags, I add a lump of sugar to James’s cup. “How has your weekend been?”
James comes to stop, standing on the other side of the breakfast bar, leaning on one of the high stool backs. “It’s been okay. Had a couple of showings yesterday that a few prospective buyers attended. Hopefully I will get some offers. How about you?”
The kettle clicks off indicating it has finished boiling. Lifting it off the cradle I pour water into both cups, jiggling the teabags in the steaming water. “I helped Liam and Jess move into their new place yesterday and most of today. It’s starting to look really good. They are on a mission to have it completely ready as soon as possible as they plan to host Christmas there next week.”
I pull the carton of milk out of the fridge and add a small amount to James’s cup, while leaving my own tea black. After taking the tea bags out and dropping them into the bin, I pass James his cup and take my own, wrapping my hands around the sides. “Want to sit down on the couch?” I wander across and take a seat on the single armchair. James follows and takes the spot on the couch closest to me. I take a sip of my tea, appreciating the hot, delicious liquid.
“So, this boyfriend of yours, how long have you been seeing him?”
It wasn’t as though I didn’t expect this question, it makes sense. He wants to know if I have been seeing him long, especially if so during those times that I have turned him down. “I’ve known him for around a month. We have only really started dating though around a week. We decided to give it a go when I visited him in New York.”
“So, when I asked you to go to the Christmas party with me the first time you weren’t seeing him?”
Huh, I had no idea how closely he kept track of our conversations. “Nope, I wasn’t. I would have gone with you if things didn’t go well in New York” As soon as I say it, I regret it. I don’t want him thinking he was my back-up plan. “I had planned on going with you, James, but things went really well last weekend. We were chatting about Christmas and he asked me to attend his Christmas party, so I asked him to come to ours.” Better, a little bit of an explanation.
James takes a sip of his tea, staring blankly at the black screen of my television. I stay quiet, giving him time to answer me, if he wants to. I shift in my seat, getting comfortable, as I raise my cup to my lips he finally speaks. “Do you want to tell me about him? Or am I going to have to wait until the Christmas Party?” I take my time sipping my tea, how do I answer this? I don’t want to give too much away.
“Well I don’t really know what to tell you. We have a lot in common, real estate, antiques, he grew up in New York like I did.” Happy with my answer, I take another sip.
“You’re not going to tell me his name, are you?”
I think about that for a moment, why is it so darn important that everyone knows his name? I shake my head and smile at him.
He grins back. “Fair enough, Snow White. Keep your secrets. I’ll find out all about him at the party” He points the cup in my direction and lifts his left eyebrow.
I lower my tea mug and lean closer to him, making direct eye contact. “If he wants to tell you his life story that’s his choice, not mine. I promise I’m not hiding anything from you, James. I just don’t feel it’s my place to tell you everything about him. What I will tell you is that he makes me happy, something that I didn’t think was possible after my last dating experience. It’s very early days. It might end next week, or it might not. I’m just going to see where it takes me.”
With my speech over, I take a deep breath. James is looking at me, seemingly not sure what to say. I’ve said more than I intended, and yet I feel good about it. It’s completely true. It’s not my place to tell everyone who Elliot is. He is in the public eye; there are things I’m sure he doesn’t want the world to know. Those things are private, and even though I’m not famous, I would expect him to keep my secrets, too.
Not that any of my secrets getting out would make the daily newspaper like Elliot’s would. He trusted me with the fact that he is waiting until marriage, and even though I told Liam that, I trust he won’t say anything to anyone. I trust James too, but not enough to know that he won’t spill someone else’s secrets.
“I understand where you are coming from, Angie, I really do. I just want to make sure you, well, I just want…never mind” he shakes his head, what is it he wants to say?
“It’s okay, James. Whatever it is, you can spit it out. C’mon” I hold my breath. What is it he wants to say?
“Well, I’ve asked you out a fair few times in the time we have known each other. Every time you have said no, except those times you made it abundantly clear that it was only as friends. I guess I want to know why him and not me?”
Huh, why would he ask that? I feel uncomfortable suddenly. Why would he want to know this? I have to be careful how I word my response. I don’t want to hurt him as he is important to me. I put my cup of tea on the table in front of me. Reaching out, I place my hand open on his knee. “James. It’s not you, I like you, believe me, I do. Your friendship is so incredibly important to me that I just couldn’t risk jeopardizing it”
James shakes his head.
“James, listen to me. You are one of my closest friends. I can’t wait for you to meet my boyfriend. I really hope you guys get along. Please don’t be upset.”
I feel horrible, one of my closest friends is clearly upset in front of me, and it’s all because of me. I hate it. I’m not someone who likes to be the reason that someone is hurt.
“You’re one of my closest friends, too, Angie. I understand you didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but it would have been good if you would have told me that, though. At the end of the day, I’m happy that you’re happy, Angie, I am. I hope he is a good guy.”
James’s words resonate with me. He is hurt, I was correct, and I absolutely hate it. I have a horrible feeling forming in the pit of my stomach. “I’m sorry James, I really hope this doesn’t affect us. I don’t want to lose you.” I feel tears coming from the back of my eyes, threatening to bust through and fall down my cheeks. I try my hardest to hold them back.
“You’re not losing me, Angie. Trust me, that will never happen. We’re cool, okay?”
I nod my head, happy that he has told me we are okay. I hop out of my chair, though, and pull him out of his comfortable seating position, pulling him to me, embracing him. I pat him on the back, thankfully his arms encircle my waist, holding me close to him. He is cuddling me back. It makes me feel so much better. In that instant, I can feel that we are going to be okay, that all of this is going to be water under the bridge.
His musky scent envelops me, and I realize for the first time ever that I fit perfectly against his body. He is muscular in his own way, less so than Elliot, and I must confess that I like the way his body feels against my own. Has my closeness with Elliot awakened something within me that hasn’t noticed James this way before? I’m confused, is my attraction to James more than just friendship and I’m denying it? As I hold him close though, I close my eyes, and I know that even though I’m super comfortable in James’s embrace, it is nothing compared with the electric charge that runs through my entire body while Elliot holds me in his arms.
“I really hope you guys get along, James,” I break the silence with what I hope is true in the week to come. In five more days, they will be meeting each other at the annual staff Christmas party. Elliot will be meeting all of my work colleagues, and out of those people who will be present, no one’s opinion matters to me more than James’s.
