Page 56 of Safer Alone
His rhythm is punishing. Not being able to take the pain anymore, I close my eyes, and pass out.
I’m shaking, physically shaking and a hand is brushing the hair from my face. I reach up and swat it away.
“Don’t touch me. Get away from me,” I say with venom in my mouth. I feel the touch leave me and then the glow of the bedside lamp being turned on provides some light on the situation.
“Angie. It’s just me. Elliot. You were having a nightmare. Are you okay, baby?”
His voice is so full of concern it makes me break and I start to cry. Not a feminine pretty cry, but all-out loud sobbing.
I turn and fall face down into the pillow and continue to cry for what seems like the longest time. I can feel Elliot stroking my hair and I hear him whispering sweet nothings, to try and calm me down. I feel my crying start to ease, and force myself to raise my face from the pillow. I turn slowly and look at him, his face is full of concern. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again. Obviously thinking better to keep quiet.
“Sorry I woke you,” I whisper.
“You don’t have to say sorry, babe. It’s okay. You’re safe.” He pauses. “Do you want me to hold you?” he asks, and as soon as he has said it, I know that I want to be in his arms. I nod and lean over towards him. He opens his arms and I sink down onto his chest. Laying my ear over where his heart is located and listened to it beating. The steady rhythm helping me to relax. He is warm and his strong arms wrapped around me give the fantastic feeling of safety.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
The bedside lamp is once again turned off and we lay there for who knows how long. Elliot doesn’t ask me for any details about my nightmare. He just holds me close to him. This is the first time I have ever had this particular nightmare, and that’s exactly what it was, my worst fear, replaying one of the worst nights of my life, albeit in a different setting. Dylan had raped me, and it was the final day of our relationship together. I knew once it had happened there was no going back for us.
I would have to tell Elliot everything one day. If we ended up making this relationship work, he would need to know about my past. He had a right to know, and I wanted to share everything about myself with him, even the bad. I feel Elliot kiss my hair a few times. My eyes are finally getting heavy and when they finally decide to close, I allow the darkness to take me. Hopefully into a dreamless sleep for the remainder of the night.
~ Chapter Twenty–Eight ~
Ihear the repetitive beep of the alarm clock before I even come to consciousness. I know it is an alarm even though it is a different tone to my own. The sound becoming increasingly loud and I no longer fight to keep my eyes closed. I open them slowly and the light that filters into the room through the gaps in the curtains hurts my eyes at first. The tell-tale spots in my vision. You know, the ones that appear when you first open your eyes after they have been closed for several hours. I curl my hands into fists and gently rub my eyes. The alarm ceases its sound, and that’s when I remember I’m not alone in this bed.
I feel him before I see him. He lifts his hand and strokes my hair. I have my back facing him. I am a restless sleeper at the best of times and not used to sharing a bed. I hope that I haven’t done anything too bad last night.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
His voice comes from just behind my ear and I can’t help but smile. Here I was, lying in this comfortable king bed with one of the most eligible bachelors of New York. We had done nothing last night, besides cuddling. Of that I am completely sure, he had the same ideals as I and that makes me feel so comfortable.
“Good Morning, yourself,” I reply.
I slowly roll onto my back and continue over to my side to face Elliot. He looks adorable. His blond hair messed up from rubbing on the pillow all night. His eyes a sparkling blue from the sunlight that has encapsulated us on the bed.
He is beautiful. There is no sense in denying it, and I am one hundred percent attracted to him, so very much so. I reach out my hand and stroke his face gently with the back of my fingers. He has a small amount of stubble on his chin; due to it being nearly the same shade as his hair, it is difficult to see. I recover my hand and lay it down in front of myself and just stare at him.
He is staring right back at me, a small smile across his face.
“We should probably get out of bed and get ready. I need to take you to the airport in an hour.”
I note that he makes no move to get out of the bed himself, even after making his statement. Knowing that I would have to be the one to make the move, I nod in response and roll over, pulling back the covers. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and sit for a moment, before turning my head back to face him once more, smiling at the sight of him lying there, in the bed I was just occupying, before standing up and making my way to the bathroom.
Once in the safety of the bathroom I lock the door. Jumping up and down a couple of times. The excitement building up inside of me is a wonderful feeling. I wander across to the shower and turn on the taps. I lift my nightgown over my head and drop it on the floor in front of the vanity before I then slip my panties off and stepping into the glass enclosure.
The shower is most welcome. The hot steam relaxing my muscles and warming my body all the way through. It also seems to purge my body of the memory of the horrid nightmare I endured last night. One that Elliot no doubt witnessed. He was kind enough not to ask me any questions when he held me in his arms. He will, however, be wondering what made me so upset. Will he ask me? Should I tell him?
Did I say anything out loud that he was thinking about? What if I called out his name? I wrap my arms around myself, taking comfort in the fact that he had indeed held me last night. He had stayed with me and comforted me, he hadn’t left the guest house. Maybe I hadn’t said anything?
I push all thoughts of Dylan from my mind and instead think of Elliot. The way he looks this morning, sleepy eyes, bed hair and all. He is everything I have ever hoped to find in a man, and he had told me that he wants to be with me. To find a way to make it all work even with the distance.
That distance was about to make itself well known later this afternoon when I was back in Nashville, while he is here in New York. I understand at that moment that I will miss him, and that confirms that my feelings for him are real and intense, more so than I would have liked to admit.
I don’t want to leave his side and yet I had to. I must, for two weeks anyway. Then I would be back in his arms, as long as these two weeks didn’t give him the space he needed to reassess his feelings and meet someone else.
I turn off the shower and step out and dry myself. I then grab the fluffy bathrobe and wrap it around my body, tying it in a bow around my middle. In my rush to get into the shower I realize that I didn’t bring a change of clothes in with me. Maybe he has already gone back to the main house to shower and get ready himself. He won’t still be in bed. I’ll just duck out and get what I need and get on with it. So I stand in the bathroom with my hand on the door handle preparing myself to wander out into the bedroom. At least I am covered.
I will walk out, grab my clothes and come straight back into the bathroom. It is such a simple thing to do. So why am I not moving? Why can I not turn the door handle? I close my eyes, taking a couple of deep breaths and before I can chicken out, I turn the handle, pulling the door open.
