Page 42 of Safer Alone
~ Chapter Twenty-One ~
“He was abusive,” I speak, my voice barely above a whisper. I look down at my hands, waiting for the tears that were surely on their way. Whenever I spoke about my past with Dylan, I cried, sobbed even. It hurt to talk about the past, the past I have tried so hard to leave behind. I hear Elliot’s chair scrape against the floor, pushing out from the table. Slowly turning my head in his direction and see him kneeling beside me. Coming close enough to wrap his strong arms around my waist.
“I am so sorry Angela. I had no idea. I truly am sorry.” His voice sounds strong enough to begin with, but I hear a crack on his final sorry. I don’t understand why he is upset. He isn’t the one who endured the pain I went through. He kissed my cheek and then moved his lips closer to my ear. “If you want to talk about it, I am here. I also respect your choice if you want to keep it to yourself.” He speaks softly. The feel of his warm breath sending a shiver down my neck. I appreciate his words. He has given me a way out of this conversation. I don’t have to say anything more if I choose not to.
Instead though I let it all flow, “That’s why I left New York. I got a restraining order against him and left town to start afresh. I moved to Nashville and over time I have come to absolutely love it there. I didn’t think I would ever come back here.” I wave my hand around. “I left everything behind, got on with my life, my career. I certainly didn’t expect to meet a guy who lived in New York while showing properties back home.”
I am proud of myself for what I had just said. I gave him a tiny piece of information but also brought him into a new area of conversation, hoping that it would be enough of a hint to move away from this uncomfortable topic.
“And I didn’t expect to fall for a woman who showed me a property in Nashville. A completely different state from my own.” Elliot speaks with confidence with this statement.
I almost faint. He just said he had fallen for me. I decide to lighten the mood. “I’m from Nashville, maybe I know her?” The tears I am fighting stay away, and for that I am grateful. The only way to ensure they don’t come is by moving on and I was going to grab this information with both hands, hold onto this news Elliot had just told me, happy news that he had fallen for me.
He smiled at me for a moment. “Maybe you do. I’ll describe her for you to see if it jogs your memory.” I nod “Okay. Where to start? She has long black hair. Beautiful green eyes. Smooth fair skin. She is a real estate agent and lives in an apartment on Main Street.”
A huge smile appears on my face. I place a forefinger to my lips to look as though I am concentrating. “You know what? That does ring a bell. She does sound familiar.”
He nods. “She should. You saw her this evening when you looked in the mirror.” He smiles and slowly moves his face closer to mine. Kissing me gently, just once on the lips. It only lasts a few seconds before he pulls away. He is being careful, he doesn’t want to push me.
“I want you to know something Angela. I hate violence. All types of it. Whether it be physical, emotional, financial. I always have. If you choose to allow me into your life, as your friend or even as your partner, I can make a promise to you right here, right now. I will never, ever hurt you like that.” His eyes are gazing directly into mine and I could see honesty. This man has no reason to be making this kind of promise.
I decide to ask the one question I had been dying to know the answer to since I first felt the electrical current. Even more so since our first kiss. “Do you want to be friends Elliot? Or more than that?”
He nods in response, “More, Angela, but only if you want that, too.” His voice is gentle. Caring and soothing at the same time. He is giving me the option. I decide to tell him my secret. Then he could make his own choice.
“I want that.” I pause and take a moment to get the wording right. This was either going to weird him out, make him happy or possibly open up another can of worms. After all this is incredibly odd in this time and age of someone my age. “I want you to know something, something important about me, Elliot. I’m planning on waiting until my wedding night.” I’m not exactly sure what I expect him to do upon learning this piece of information. Perhaps to spring from his knees, step backwards into his seat and say, ‘not interested, thanks anyway.’ Maybe he would laugh. I wait for the reaction to come.
He doesn’t move at first, staying still like a statue. Then he drops his head into my lap and moves his face from side to side twice. He then lifts his face to look back at mine and slowly unwraps his hands from my waist, gently laying them on my thighs. “Angela. You are full of surprises.” He stops for a moment and then continues “I would have never thought it possible to find someone who I have this in common with, and yet here we are. I’m also waiting.” He doesn’t smile, just looks into my eyes. I don’t know what to say and I don’t think he does either.
This was a shock. It had never crossed my mind that he would have the exact same values that I do. After all, it’s such an old institution to wait until marriage. It had never crossed my mind that he could possibly still be waiting for someone. After all, how many women must have thrown themselves at him over the years? Including that girlfriend from back in his high school years. When he told me that she had cheated on him, my mind instantly thought that she had engaged in sex with another man. Therefore they had also been sexually active, together.
“You are?” I question. I hope he won’t hear the disbelief in my tone.
“I am” he answers “Now, I’m not saying I’m a virgin. Because, Angie, I’m not. But I don’t want to have it with just anybody. I want it to mean something. It’s something incredibly special and I want to share it with that special someone who loves me just as much as I love them.” He is being so honest with me that I can feel all the remnants of those walls I had built around my heart crumbling down. Piece by piece, he unwraps my heart, leaving it completely exposed, completely open to him. It was a surprise to find out that one of the most eligible bachelors in New York is waiting. After all, Elliot oozed sex appeal and confidence. He is someone who seems completely comfortable with his own body. He had declared that he wasn’t a virgin, so he has probably had a number of beautiful woman in his bed. But now he is waiting. Maybe in some crazy way, we might be meant for each other?
I am getting ahead of myself now. Thinking about a future where we might actually be meant for each other. He said he wanted to spend more time with me. That is going to be hard, incredibly so. Considering we live so far apart, states in fact. We lived too far apart to spend each weekend with each other like most couples do and then there was the fact that I couldn’t just hop on a plane once a month to come see him. Not on a real estate agent’s wage anyway. I would be too busy with working on Saturdays and then overseeing his project restoration.
After this weekend, we would see each other once every couple of months when he flew in to check on how everything was going at the cottage and then he would fly out again. Then there was Christmas. Even though I had some time off, and I’m sure he would too, he would be spending his with his family and I by myself back home. Possibly have Christmas dinner with Liam and Jessica. That didn’t allow for our relationship to develop. I had to face reality sooner rather than later, this just wasn’t going to work.
Like Elliot so often did, as though he plucked a thought right from my mind, his voice broke through. “Do you have some time off at Christmas, Angela?”
This isn’t a question I was expecting from Elliot. Just a thought that was running through my mind. This might be a chance to see how serious he is though. “I sure do. Two whole weeks. My leave starts from the twenty-third of December,” I answer. Wondering where he was going with this line of questioning.
“Will you be spending time with your family?” He is getting closer to the question he really wanted to ask now, I could feel it.
I look down towards my hands that are now sitting in my lap. I was wringing them. I hated talking about my parents. I shake my head. “No. my parents and I haven’t had a Christmas together for about four years. The travel costs at this time of year escalate quickly and I still take appointments with clients if they ask.”
He asks, “Why don’t they come to you?”
Have you seen the size of my apartment? I think to myself. How would we all fit? “Partly it is due to the fact that we aren’t exactly close. The other part is because they normally take off seeking warmer weather. Cruising generally.” I wanted to get off this topic quickly and what better way to stop talking about myself then to ask him the same question.
“How about you? Do you take any time off at Christmas?”
He smiles at me. “Not usually. I’m going to take a couple of weeks off this year though. From the twenty-third. I want to be available to spend some time with someone.” He raises an eyebrow in my direction. I know what he is insinuating and inside it makes me incredibly happy.
I press on with more questions. “Do you get together with your family for Christmas?” I go along the same line of questioning he did.
“Yes. Both Mom and Dad, their names are Maggie and Arthur by the way, come over for Christmas lunch. My sister Elizabeth, she prefers Beth for short, her husband David, and their two little ones, Jack and Nicky, normally arrive a short time after.”
