Page 58 of Safer Alone
His voice no longer angry. It is soft, laced with concern. He reaches out his hand seeking mine, I offer mine up and he takes it and squeezes it gently. Baby? He just called me baby. He mustn’t be too angry, then.
“When I woke last night to your screams, I didn’t know what to think. You were speaking another man’s name, but at the same time you were shaking and crying, too, and I knew that I had to make sure that you knew you were safe.”
I feel myself getting emotional, you know that feeling you have that starts in the pit of your stomach, then starts to make its way up your throat and before you know it an emotional sound escapes your throat and tears fall from your eyes and you’re crying? That’s what I am feeling right now. I clear my throat in an attempt to halt the progress in its tracks while it continues climbing up my throat and digging my fingernails into the palm of my hand in an effort to try to keep the tears at bay.
“You have no reason to be sorry, I have them most nights. I have slept alone for close to four years, so it doesn’t normally affect anyone but me. It’s the past, one I hate talking about. So can you please just forget about it?”
I look out the front window not wanting to look at the man beside me, one that I have developed feelings for, the one who no doubt is going to say “see you later” at the airport. I’m not going to let him hurt me, I decide to get in there first.
“You don’t need to hang out with a chick with as much baggage as I carry around with me. Let’s just get to the airport and say goodbye, shall we?”
My voice cracks on the final word and I do my best to cover it up with a cough. It doesn’t work.
Elliot pulls the car over to the shoulder and shifts the gear to park. I sneak a sideways glance at him. Sitting there with both hands on the wheel, he is looking down at his legs.
“Have I given you any reason to think that I don’t want to hang out with you, Angela?”
I don’t move. I don’t say a word.
“Damn it.” He hits the steering wheel, hard, I jerk up, looking at him.
“We all have baggage. Trust me, I have a fair bit of my own.”
His voice is so soft in comparison to his outburst only a moment ago.
“It’s never going to work Elliot, we live in different states, we run in different circles…”
He stops me before I can go any further.
“I don’t care about any of that, I want to at least give this a try, Angela. Don’t you?”
In that moment looking into his eyes, I forget about my reservations and just see the man sitting next to me. The man who has just told me he has baggage of his own. The man telling me he wants to try, with me.
“Okay,” is all I can manage to say.
“Okay,” he repeats back.
He starts the engine again and after checking we are clear pulls back out onto the road, taking us the rest of the way to the airport. We maintain a light chatter, nothing of importance or consequence, the weather, the music on the radio, and all too soon Elliot is pulling us into a short-term parking lot. Our time together is coming to an end. All too soon.
We both hop out of the car, the thud of the doors closing, only two of many around us. I walk to the back of the car. Elliot is already there, pulling my two bags out for me. I take my oversized handbag, while he carries my check-in luggage.
Once inside, Elliot hands me my boarding pass. I look at my watch and see that I’m due to board in a quarter of an hour.
“Thank you for this weekend.” It’s the safest thing I can manage to say.
“I had a great time,” he replies.
“I did too.” I smile up at him. His blond hair now completely dry and out of control, he runs his hand through it self-consciously, seeing that I’m staring at him.
“It’s always messy,” he says by way of explanation.
“I like it,” I respond honestly. It makes him look more like the rest of us. Not at all like the untouchable CEO of a multimillion dollar company.
A lady’s voice booms over the PA system above us, advising my flight is ready for boarding.
“That’s me. I guess I should be going.”
Before I can say anything else, his lips are on mine, kissing me slowly, pouring his emotions into this connection. His arms enveloping my waist, pulling me closer to him and I can’t help but reciprocate. I reach out and place my hand on his chest and kiss him back. In this moment right here it feels so right. It feels like the distance will be nothing to worry about.
