Page 98 of The Promise Of Rain
“All my best memories are with you.”I closed my eyes and rubbed my cheek over the top of her head.“Those sheets on our bed were awful, and that mattress came from the Flintstone’s era, but I’ve never slept so deeply or peacefully as I did with you wrapped around me.”
The scent of her shampoo teased my senses, soothing and arousing me at once.
“There were so many times over the years I wanted to call you, even if it was just to hear your voice.There were so many times I wanted to hash things out.Between deployments and running from the truth, I did a great job distracting myself.”
She tried to push off my chest.
“Shh,” I hushed, tightening my hold.“I’m sorry.I’m so sorry for everything.I have too many regrets to count.”
She splayed her palm over my chest and lifted her face to press into my throat.Her body shook with silent cries.
How many nights had she lain awake?
How many nights had she lain awake thinking she wasn’t enough?
My chest squeezed tight, my throat closing over the grief I’d buried.Voice tight, I confessed, “For the past decade, I’ve only been half alive.”
I gathered her long legs up to hold all of her on my lap.If this was to be the last time I’d hold her, I wanted all of her.
My eyes stung with the truth, and it ran down my face.I tipped my head back against the couch, fighting for control.
I heaved in a breath.“You may be able to get along without me, baby, but I’m not that strong.”
I tipped my head down and pressed my lips to the top of her silky head.“I am my best self with you.”
She didn’t speak.Not one word.
But she clung to me and pressed tighter with every word.
“My love for you was never the problem,” I rasped.
Was she also holding me like it was the last time?
Desperation blurred my vision.“I was young and scared and I gave up too soon.Please believe me when I tell you I am not the same man, but you’re still the same woman I fell in love with, beautiful inside and out.”
Something clicked deep inside.Mental doors slammed shut, the echo of each reverberating through my heart and mind until only one door, one way forward, remained.
I wasn’t worthy of her, but I was taking her for my own, nonetheless.
I plunged my arms underneath her and stood.
Her head fell back as her arms wrapped around my neck, her blue eyes wet with tears.
I hardened my heart to her tears.There was no room here for compromise.“I won’t lose you.”
I shook my head as I headed for the stairs.“I can’t.”
I swallowed that ball of grief that threatened to erupt and vowed, “Never again.”
Her face crumpled and she fisted my shirt in her hands, hanging on even as she tried to let me go.“You and me, we’re not meant to be together, Deacon.”
Resolved, I set my jaw and my will and crossed the threshold into my bedroom.
I’d be her strength, her certainty, and her confidence.
“Jenny, I am fully, completely, irrevocably committed to you.”When she tried to look away, I tightened my hold.“I’m begging you to trust me.I will not let you down.”
Her heart in her eyes, she gently palmed my face and asked, “And when it all comes out, Deacon?What then?”
