Page 45 of The Promise Of Rain

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I covered my throat with a shaking hand and swallowed it down, remembering what I went through those first few weeks, how I’d prayed for him to call me and give me a chance to explain.

Was he already with someone else?

Was he giving her the pleasure that was supposed to be mine as I lay broken-hearted and bleeding?

How many more were there?

And how did I compare?

There are girls they marry and girls they fuck.

I swiped the back of my hand over my mouth, inhaling a shaky breath.

“Have there been others for you?”he asked tightly.

For a moment, I thought about lying, making him hurt the way I did.Give him the mental pictures that had tortured me for the past eleven years.

Instead, I answered with one sharp shake of my head.

“None?”he clarified, his voice incredulous.

None?

Such surprise.

You meanJenny Davis isn’t sleeping with half the town?

A soft beep came from the car behind us.

I jerked my chin up.“The light is green.”

My stomach churned with jealousy, and my eyes burned with the same defenseless tears I shed back then.

He began to speak, but I held up a palm and rasped, “Please.Not now.”

Not ever.

It was a mistake to flirt with dreams for the future.“I don’t want to talk about this,” I added evenly.

I don’t want to know.

It was a mistake to think we could work through the pain of the past.

A long pause preceded his agreement, and we traveled the rest of the way in silence.

My lungs ached with the need to scream and cry and weep.I could barely breathe.Because while I’d stayed here in Moose Lake and mourned him, he moved on.Over and over again, he’d moved on without me.

I didn’t want to know what I’d missed.

Didn’t want to think about what was.

Or dream about what could never be.

I didn’t want to think, period.

He pulled into St.Michael’s parking lot, and my feet hit the ground before he slammed the truck gear into park.

“Jenny,” he ordered.“Wait.”

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