Page 9 of Resilient Rhythms
I do. Even though I miss Mav with every fiber of my being and wish things turned out differently for us. Right now, I wish he was beside me, winding his arm around my lower back and tucking me under his shoulder.
But since that’s not reality, I lean on the support of my friends and family. With Allegra, Ivy, and Nova at my side, I smile brighter than I have in weeks.
I made it. I got here. And today, I turn the page on law school and Boston. It’s time for me to consider my next chapter.
After coffee and croissants, we head to campus. I wave goodbye to my family and friends as I join my classmates to line up for the ceremony.
“Can you believe we’re graduating?” Robyn asks.
“Not even a little,” I answer truthfully.
“I’m fucking relieved,” Emily admits.
I nod. “Same.”
Emily gives me a sympathetic look and slips her hand into mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Enjoy today, Kenny. You earned this shit.”
I manage a smile. “We all did.”
As we file onto the field where the ceremony takes place, I can’t help but scan the stands for Mav. It’s stupid. Delusional. But part of me hopes he’ll be here today.
An even larger part of me wishes he never left in the first place. The day he served me divorce papers still haunts me. What’s worse? I know it’s not because he doesn’t care about me. It’s because he cares too much. That day, I could read in his eyes that he genuinely believed he was doing what was best, forme.
And after the ordeal with Bran, the bodyguard, the hospital, and Mav’s bender, well, can I blame him?
My gaze catches on a blond guy with blue eyes but, nope, it’s not him.
I sigh. He was such a large part of why I was able to get through my final year of law school. In some ways, today’s achievement feels as much his as it’s mine. I wish he was here to witness it. To celebrate the milestone with me.
I catch my dad’s eye and grin, lifting my hand to wave to him and Jeannie. They’re seated with Allegra, Derek, Ivy, Nova, West, and sweet Stella. Two rows behind them, I note Levi and Jameson.
My smile widens. I didn’t expect to see them today, but I’m happy they’re here. Grateful for their support, especially when things between Maverick and me didn’t work out the way I hoped.
I blow out a sigh and turn my attention to the stage. I can’t live my life hung up on Mav. He made a choice, I begrudgingly respected it, and now, it’s done. We’re over.
My therapist encourages me to focus on other things, like hobbies, friendships, and the future. With the bar examlooming, I have my work cut out for me this summer. The least I can do is enjoy today and relish this achievement I endured three years of hell to attain.
Leaning back in my seat, I try to soak up the moment. As I glance around at my classmates, a pang cuts through my chest that I missed the opportunity to connect with many of them.
Bran took so much more from me than I realized. His actions from that night caused me to view the world through a jaded lens. I hung back instead of springing forward. I hedged social encounters instead of trying to make new friends. I lost confidence in myself and in my judgment.
And the worst part? It took me years to understand the truth, to admit the impact, and in the process, I lost the love of my life. I signed away my marriage. And I ended up alone. Always alone.
Blowing out a breath, I shift my gaze from my classmates to the crowd surrounding the field. Families, friends, and loved ones cheer on their graduates. Proud parents, joyful grandparents, happy partners, bored siblings, and some cute kids snap photos and wave to us.
I try to hold on to the gratitude that settles in my chest. My family and friends showed up big for me today, save for my mom who texted me a generic congratulations in the same message that informed me of her massage this afternoon.
Still, my stomach twists as I continue to scan the crowd.
And I hate that I’mstilllooking for him. That I can’t not wish and hope and pray. I hate that I want him to be here. That part of me still needs him when I was so effective in pushing him away.
Jesus, I need to get a grip. I’m not going to miraculously see my ex-husband at my law school graduation. Last I heard, Mav’s not even in the country. Allegra told me he’s been spending time at his place in Costa Rica.
The ceremony starts and I force myself to focus on the dean as she ascends the stage. I cheer loudly when Robyn gives anenthusiastic speech as our student-elected speaker. And when the diplomas are presented, I clap. My heart stutters as Bran’s name is skipped since he isn’t graduating with our class on account of his withdrawing and moving to Texas.
“Mckenna Byrne.”
I run my fingers along my graduation gown, smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles as I take the small steps to the stage. Around me, cheers and whistles ring out.
