Page 73 of The Harborer
A sheen glossed her eyes, and she swallowed. “What I do know,” she began quietly, “is that you suspect me of being somekind of criminal, and I don’t understand why. You’ve known me for six years.Six years, Shane. If you arrest me, do you get some kind of feather in your cap that’ll open doors so you can get that amazing job in some other county? Is that what this is about?”
The hurt on her face gutted him, shook him to the core. “No, Amy. It’s not like that. I was sworn to do a job here, and I’m doing it.”Trying to anyway.
Her chin inched up defiantly. “Well, that’s a convenient excuse to fall back on.”
A snarl long trapped beneath his sternum ripped loose with a violent snap. He managed to keep his voice even, despite his rioting emotions. “My dad was sworn to do a job too, but he used it for gain. He took an oath, but it didn’t mean squat. He was a crooked cop, Amy. He took bribes, let people walk for the right price. It was mostly small, petty shit like speeding tickets and possession and shoplifting, but he did it, and it was wrong. He smashed his own moral compass for a few bucks, and he got busted for it. He lost his job, his pension, his friends, his reputation. Everything. He liked to say it was a ‘gray area,’ but it was as black-and-white as ink on a page. Broke my mom’s heart.”
This was why Shane never talked about this father. It was too gut-wrenching. But hadn’t she wanted to know the story? Well, he was giving her the whole ugly truth.
He was so caught up in his own storm that he gave up trying to read her. His jaw muscles jumped. “He’d always been a drinker, but now he practically swam in the stuff, lying around all day while Mom worked her ass off to keep money coming in so she could feed us kids. One day, she came home to him passed out on the couch, and she’d had enough. They had a huge fight. The next day, Dad took off while she was at work. She came home to a note that said he was done putting his family through hell. And that was it. He was in the wind. We never saw him, never heard from him again. Vanished, like we didn’t mean shit to him.”
Shane’s heart jackhammered inside his rib cage. He blew out a lung-clearing breath. “I can’t change who I am. I don’twantto change who I am. But I wantyouto understand what’s at stake for me here. I have a father to live down. I’m from a bloodline of corrupt O’Brien lawmen, and I’ve been clawing to change that since the day I took my oath. That means that as a sworn deputy, Ishouldhave doubts when things don’t line up the way they’re supposed to.”It doesn’t mean I don’t have a heart and that this isn’t shredding me.
More beats ticked by as he waited for her to respond. His pulse rate had settled since vomiting out the venom that was his complicated bond with his father.
She raised her hand and made a circle with her fingers and thumb. “You gave mezerobenefit of the doubt. Instead, you used me so you could search my office and try to pin something on me.” She let out a mirthless laugh and swiped at her eyes. He hadn’t noticed the tears until now. “But that’s what I get for trusting another man. I thought you were different.”
He despised being lumped into the same category as Micky. He wasn’t perfect, but he sure as shit didn’t belongthere.
A woman entered the hallway and brushed past them with an “Excuse me.”
When she closed the restroom door behind her, Shane took a step closer to Amy and lowered his voice. “Can we go somewhere and talk about this?” He wasn’t going to beg, but he needed to try to make this right. He needed to prove she had pegged him all wrong, despite what the situation might look like on her side of the lens.
She looked away, her shoulders sagging. She looked so … small, so vulnerable. He’d done that to her.
The impasse stretched.
“Amy, I want to explain. Ineedto explain.”
She didn’t respond.
“Amy, I love you,” he blurted out.
She looked up and gave him a suspicious glare.
Fuck it.He begged.
“Amy, please. Just give me a chance. Let’s go to your place, my place, the rec center parking lot. I don’t care where. I just want to talk to you somewhere private.” How he was going to untwist it all, though, he had no clue. The reality hadn’t changed. All he knew was he couldn’t lose her.
She stared at him as if she had more barbs to hurl his way but kept them locked behind a mask of indignation.
“Please,” he repeated.
A shuddering breath moved through her entire frame. “My place is still a mess, so it’ll have to be yours. I need to stop by the coffee shop first.”
He wanted to break into a backflip. “I’ll go with you.” He didn’t want to let her out of his sight for fear she’d change her mind.
“No, it’s fine. I was expecting a delivery that hadn’t come when I closed. The guy texted that he dropped it in back a short while ago, and I just need to swing by and grab it so it doesn’t go missing.” She stepped past him and headed for the bar.
A delivery?Red flags snapped at attention in his head, and he hated that they were there. He straightened and fell in behind her. “I’ll go with you anyway.”
She stood inside the tavern now and turned, a frown furrowing her forehead. “Shane—”
“Hey, O’Brien!” Noah yelled from behind the bar.
Annoyed, Shane called back. “What do you want, Hunnicutt?”
“You need to come here and settle something.” Noah pointed at Gunderson, who was grinning from his barstool.
