Page 209 of The Night Shift
She’s become my axis. My pulse.
She’s woven herself into the very threads of my being. Without her, I’ll unravel. Without her, I’m nothing.
Do I really want to know if this feeling goes both ways?
“Holly isn’t the type to —”
“— admit that she has feelings too and isn’t, in fact, the Tinman from Oz?” April cuts in. “Yeah, I know. I grew up with her, remember?”
“Well, I wasn’t going to phrase it like that, but, sure. That covers the gist of it.”
There’s a pause. I take another sip, letting the burn of the alcohol ground me. “Wait, what do you mean she has feelings too?”
“Oh, please. Have you seen the way she acts around you? The way she looks at you?”
“How does she look at me?” I ask.Like she wouldn’t mind going to jail for murder?
“Like you’re the safest place she’s ever known.”
April says it like it’s an obvious fact and I feel like someone’s just turned my body inside out and left the nerves raw. Holly doesn’t look at me like that. Does she? “She probably had something in her eye,” I say flatly.
“Sure. Or you know, my sister’s just a little more complicated than you thought.”
“Holly’s not complicated.” Not to me.
People just like to think she’s complicated because it makes them feel better when they fail to understand her. She’s sharp and brilliant and fascinating. Having a simple conversation with her feels like a privilege, because it is. She’s so absurdly perfect, it doesn’t make any rational sense that a person like her even exists. Most people mistake her attitude for irrationality because most people are idiots. They simply don’t have the range to handle her.
But I do.
I’ve never once expected Holly to be easy. I don’t need her to soften herself to be palatable. I have the patience to sit in her silence without flinching. I have the emotional intellect to understand her logic when she chooses not to explain it. I don’t want to change her, I want to learn her and worship her. Over time, in layers, without demand.
She’s not complicated. She just doesn’t hand pieces of herself out for free. She makes you earn it. Every look, every word, every breath she spares — it needs to beearned. So, even if April is right — which she isn’t — and if Hollydoeslook at me like I’m something safe — which she doesn’t — it’s not because I’m lucky or I’ve stumbled into her good graces. It’s because I’ve worked for it. I’ve taken every hit she’s thrown at me and I haven’t left. She’s not complicated. She’s worth it.
I swirl the drink in my hand, watching the ice catch the light.
The DJ changes the song again. April and I go back to watching Holly on the dance floor who seems clearly over it. Her mouth is tight, her movements stiff. Her dad twirls her once and she stumbles again.
April makes a noise under her breath. “God, she looks like such an idiot.”
I smile. “Still beautiful.”
April gives me a brief, cursory glance.
“What? I can’t lie to you a third time in one night.”
She narrows her eyes.
There’s more silence. More embarrassing dancing. After another quiet moment, April nudges my arm. “Can I say something?”
I set my drink down on the table behind us. “Of, course.”
“Please don’t give up on her.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Holly has a really hard time trusting people. And I get it, her life hasn’t exactly handed her reasons to let people in. I always had Parker. She had no one. Not in a way that mattered.”
She glances at me then with a sharp look in her eyes, and for April, those don’t come often. “I’ve always had a feeling that you like her. A lot. And for your sake, I hope that’s true. Because I think she likes you too. Maybe not in a way that’s clear to you yet, but it will be. Just be patient with her, okay? She needs time.”
