Page 157 of Sassy Love
I keep repeating the thought over and over as Lawson dots a kiss to my forehead and walks from the room, off to face the firing squad alone.
I would feel bad, but my heart has already been ripped from my chest yesterday and now all I feel is... numb.
Scared and numb, if that’s at all possible.
I can’t take anything else. I can’t carry another load. For I would surely waver.
Not an option.
God, my thoughts are ridiculous. Probably the fact I’m running on twenty minutes of sleep. I sent Henry home around midnight, but I’m sure he’ll be back as soon as he’s allowed by the hospital staff.
Mills murmurs, her fingers flexing between mine. I turn on the hard hospital chair and pat her arm. “You’re okay, Mills. Just take it easy.”
She licks her lips, scrunching up her face as she squints and forces her eyes open. “Urgh, this place tastes like old socks.”
“I think that’s what happens when you sleep with your mouth open for six hours straight, my sweet.”
Her gaze settles on me, and she frowns. “You had those clothes on yesterday. You haven’t been here all night, I hope.”
“Where else would I be, Mills?”
“Lordy, sweetheart.” She tries to move and winces. “Not like I was going anywhere.”
That’s all it takes. The thought of her going someplace I can’t follow. Tears swell and fall instantly.
She swallows, squeezing my hand now in her upturned palm. “I wouldn’t leave you like that, I promise.”
Ugly sobs chug from my lips, despite the firm line I’m desperately trying to hold them in. I put it down to next to no sleep. My emotions are all over the place.
“Chin up, girlie. No tears for this old lady, you hear?”
“I was so scared. You . . .”
She tugs on my hand, and I stand and lean down to hug her. Her hand, the IV still lodged into it, rubs my back. Hell, I should be comforting her, not the other way around.
“Too many hours alone with your thoughts, sweetheart. That’ll do it every time.”
“I know,” I mumble, and she pats me like I’m the one who needs healing.
As I break away from her hold, she gives me a sad smile and tilts her head. “I love you more than life itself, Carlie Lamont, but I know this is more than just me laid up here. Spill it, girlie.”
“No, it’s not.”
Her brows fall. She gives me her ‘now or I’ll keep asking’ look.
“I can’t do it, Mills. I love him—god, so much. But I can’t do it.”
She studies my face for a moment, her eyes tightening as they line with silver. How long has she wanted this for me? Too long.
Hell, she took to Lawson like he was a son. He’d be the first she’s not interfered with, like this is the real deal and we’re not playing pretend anymore. Not like the casual flings and the few guys I brought home before I decided it wasn’t worth the risk.
“Which part in particular can’t you do? The bit where someone cares about you? The bit where someone has your back, all the time, no matter what? Or is it the bit where you hand over your heart, having to trust one last person?”
When I fall apart at her last words, we both know the answer.
The glass heart Mills bought me that day pops into my mind. Knowingly or not, she gave me the exact replica of how I see my own stupid heart. Hardened and fragile, all at the same time.
Only now, Lawson’s grip rests around it.
