“My instinct is to be nice.”
He rolled his eyes. “Why doesn’t that surprise me? Fine. There’s oil in my satchel. I’ll get it.” With a sigh, he slid off me and rifled through the bag against the wall, withdrawing something. When he straddled me again, he showed me a small vial of clear liquid. “Happy?”
“Yep.” I popped the cork and dribbled some on my fingers before returning my hand to his backside. “Where were we?”
“We weren’t even a full finger deep. Barely even started.” Impatiently, he took charge, placing two of my fingers inside him and sinking down. “Much better.”
As he started a slow grind, I used my other hand to stroke his cock. He eased into my touch, exposing his throat as he tipped his head back.
I stared up at him, seeing him in a way I hadn’t before. Until then, it was like he’d been cloaked in shadow, only letting me see what he wanted me to. But he was fully exposed now, naked and writhing on top of me. Nothing to hide behind.
Red hair fell over his tanned skin, the strands brushing the base of his collarbone. Small scars were visible on one bicep, and another scar cut down his left side. The thin slices reminded me of something a dagger would do. Living on the streets for as long as he had, I was sure he’d seen his fair share of knife fights.
“You’re staring.” Rowan planted his hands on my chest as he came down harder on my fingers. “Why?”
“Because you’re beautiful.”
He stilled on top of me. It was hard to read his expression, but the swallow in his throat and unwavering eye contact made me wonder if anyone had ever said that to him before. His lips parted like he was going to say something. He then clamped his mouth closed and continued riding my hand.
Something felt different now. Like he’d summoned more shadows to block me from seeing him in his dark fortress.
“That’s enough foreplay. I’m ready now.” He pulled off my fingers and rotated his body to face in the opposite direction. Away from me.
“Rowan?” I rested my hand on his back.
“We can do it like this.”
“I never do it while facing them. It’s always from behind,”he’d told me.
Why did I think I’d be an exception to his rule?
“What if I want to look at you?” I asked through the tightness in my throat.
“The view’s better from back there.” He reached behind him to grab my cock.
As much as I wanted to have sex with him, I wasn’t as excited anymore. My men took me from behind often, so facing him wasn’t the issue. I hated the sudden barrier he’d thrown up between us. It felt too… cold. Like the fire that had coursed through my body only moments earlier had been snuffed out.
“Rowan. I… I don’t like this.”
Slowly, he peered back at me. That’s when I saw the glassy shine in his eyes. “Why overthink everything, Evan? This is just sex.”
“What if it’s more than that to me?” I smoothed my fingertips along the curve of his spine. “What if I want more from you?”
“I don’t see why you would,” he said, looking away. “I’m nothing but an army of red flags, remember? A no-good thief. I’m not a hero like your captain or compassionate like your physician. Nor am I selfless like your wolf. My edges don’t align with yours. I don’t fit.”
My heart panged hard against my ribs. It squeezed a little too, like the shadows he wielded had sunk into my chest and compressed. “Spice can go with anything.”
Rowan turned on my lap and faced me. “Even desserts?”
“Oh, especially desserts,” I answered. “Adding some cayenne pepper to chocolate is amazing. Jalapenos too.”
“Is that what I am to you?” A spark had returned to his eyes. Faint but present. “A pepper?”
“Black cardamom, actually. Smoky and bold.” I reached up and cupped his face. There was a tug in my chest when he leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. “You don’t have to be like Maddox, Briar, and Lake. I don’t want you to be like them. They aren’t like each other either.”
“They each have their own flavor?” he asked, voice soft.
“Exactly.”
