“Wait.” I grabbed his arm as he went to walk past me.
Rowan stopped and angled his face toward the ground. “This was a mistake.”
“What was?” Something hot coiled around my heartstrings. “Having sex with me?”
He still wouldn’t look at me. “All of it. Meeting you on the balcony during the autumn ball. Returning to Bremloc after that because I couldn’t get you out of my head. Visiting you at your cottage. Coming with you on this journey.” His voice shook. “Letting myself fall under your spell.”
Although I’d been in that place between awake and sleep at the time, I vaguely recalled his words from last night. He avoided attachments because he expected people to disappoint him. To hurt him. It was why he’d left Axel and Wren despite them being kind to him. It was why he preferred staying in caves and having as little human interaction as possible.
“Feelings are scary,” I said. “Believe me. I know. And honestly? That fear never goes away, even when you know your love is returned. Because then you worry about that love being taken away.”
When he finally looked at me, shadows had strengthened those once frayed threads. He was hiding behind that dark wall again. “Sounds like more trouble than it’s worth. Best to avoid it altogether.”
“You’re wrong.” I shook my head. “Yes, it’s scary to care about someone. Each time Maddox leaves on a mission, I feel sick to my stomach and pray he’ll come back home. Each time I see Briar overworking himself, forgetting to eat and sleep, I worry about his health. And right now? I’m scared to death Lake will be seen by someone on this trip. But even with all that worry and fear, I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. Love is worth it.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want your love,” he said with a bitter edge. “I have no need for it.”
As he tried to walk away again, I caught the edge of his tunic, spinning him back around to face me. “Stop being so stubborn. Last night, I felt something, Rowan. Something strong.”
“Don’t bring emotions into this.” His jaw clenched. “We fucked. That’s all. No need to get clingy.”
“I know you don’t mean that.”
“Oh?” He expelled a breath. “What makes you think you know a damn thing about how I feel, Evan?”
“Because it’s howIfeel.” My eyes stung with unshed tears. “When you kiss me… when you touch me, it feels so right. Like we were always meant to find each other.”
Albeit small, emotion bled through the shadows he hid behind.
“I want you to stay with me, Rowan. Not just for this trip but long after it too. I want you to live with us at the cottage and hear you call me a sad toad when I pout. I want to hear you bitch about all the sweets I make and watch you ruin amazing coffee by adding rum to it. I want you to sweep me off my feet and take me flying at night.” I reached for his hand and was relieved when he let me take it. “Your world doesn’t have to be quiet anymore.”
“Gods.” Rowan gently pulled his hand free of mine and faced in the other direction, lifting an arm to his face. He made no sound, but his shoulders shook.
I wanted to wrap my arms around him but gave him a moment to process, biting my tongue to stop the nervous ramble that was undoubtedly waiting to be let loose. Nervous because I’d spilled my heart to him—placed it on the table and gone all in.
“Rum doesn’t ruin the coffee,” he finally said, peering back at me with pink-rimmed eyes. “It enhances the flavor.”
My laugh came out a little broken. The hard fist squeezing my sternum loosened its hold. “I’ll get you to like sweets someday. Just have to find the right reci—”
Rowan yanked me by the front of my cloak and slammed our mouths together. He trembled as we kissed. I trembled too. With relief, nerves, and the fear of the unknown. Confessions of the heart were never easy. In fact, they were fucking terrifying.
“I’m still a thief,” he said against my lips.
“I know.”
“And a spy.”
“Procurer of knowledge,” I corrected.
He breathed out a shaky laugh. “Are you sure about this? About… me?”
“Yes. Just as sure as I am about Maddox, Briar, and Lake.” I placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath my palm. “They’ll come around eventually too. You fit together with us, Rowan.”
“With my own unique flavor.”
“Exactly.”
“A flavor that should never go anywhere near chocolate.”
“Oh, stop.”
As my favorite tooth of his made its appearance, I knew, somehow, everything would be okay. If Rowanwasthe one Lupin had warned me about—the man who’d either love me or kill me—I didn’t care anymore.
I had chosen my path.
The one that led me to him.
