Page 137 of The Haunting of Lockton
But I couldn’t say a word to Julian. I could only stare at that goddamn window, at the man who had found a way past all my barriers and touched my heart. A man who was cranky at times, especially before his morning coffee, but whose smile lit up my fucking world.
“You can’t say it, can you?” Julian asked.
When I looked back at him, his face was blurry. “Say what?” I turned away and quickly wiped at my eyes.
“What you want,” he said. “Ever since we were kids, you’ve always watched over me. Protected me. You sang to me when I was too scared to fall asleep, and you read me stories. You said you weren’t hungry, even when I knew you were, so you could give me the bigger portion of food. Every decision you’ve made, you made it with me in mind. Even our show. Ghost hunting and traveling all over the country to investigate haunted places, you only do it because of me. You’ve sacrificed your dreams and put aside your own happiness for me.”
“That’s not true, Jules. I—”
“Let me finish.” Julian squeezed his hand into a fist, digging his nails into his palm. I reached forward and grabbed his hand, forcing him to relax it. He’d made himself bleed too many times doing that. “What I’m saying, Sky, is I want you to be selfish for once. I want you to focus on music. I want you to play in bars and coffeehouses and sing like you did that night at Jovie’s. I was so happy watching you perform on that stage. And I saw how happyyouwere.”
His eyes glistened, and as a tear escaped, he didn’t bother wiping at it. He let his emotions out instead of trying to hide them like I did.
“I also see how happy you are with Paxton,” he continued. “The thought of leaving him tears you up inside. I can tell.”
“I…” My throat burned, as did my eyes.
“I love you with all my heart, Sky. There aren’t enough words to convey how thankful I am for everything you’ve done for me. All the sacrifices you’ve made. It really hit me when you offered for Owen to take you instead of me. You were willing to give up everything for me.”
“I still would,” I managed to say past the tightness in my throat.
“I know.” Julian suddenly punched me in the shoulder. “You asshole.”
“Ow.” I rubbed at it. “I thought we were having a touching moment here, and you abuse me.”
“Shut up,” Julian said as more tears escaped his eyes. His nostrils glistened too, and he sniffed.
“You look like a snot monster.”
“Still hotter than you,” he responded, wiping at his face. When he focused on me again, he smiled shakily. “For the first time, stop thinking about me and think about whatyouwant.We discussed leaving Ivy Grove sometime after Thanksgiving, but if you’d rather stay, tell me.”
“Stay? For how long?”
“For as long as you want,” he said. “Weeks. Months. Longer than that. I saw apartments for lease downtown that aren’t too pricey. The complex is within walking distance to the donut shop too.”
That burning in my throat fanned outward, shooting through my bloodstream. It was barely above freezing outside, but I was suddenly hot. Was he seriously suggesting what I thought he was? That I hoped he was?
“Julian… I…” I sucked in a breath as my knees began to shake. Hope was such a dangerous thing. “What about our show?”
“We can still work on editing the next few Lockton episodes and post them,” he answered. “Once we’re done, we could check out other places in town, if you feel up to it. Paxton mentioned a boarding house, an abandoned train station, and various manors that are supposed to be haunted. There’s the cemetery too. You said so yourself. Ivy Grove is a ghost hunter gold mine.”
“But we wouldn’t travel anymore?” I asked, trying to wrap my head around the idea.
“Nope.” Julian breathed in and tipped his face up, smiling a little. “I think it’s time we settled down somewhere and built a real home. Don’t you?”
I couldn’t respond. My head was spinning too much. When he’d said he needed to talk to me about something, I hadn’t expected him to say any of this.
“That game really did kill your brain cells. You’ve reverted to caveman times and forgot how to talk.”
“Jerkwad,” I said.
He grinned. “What do you say? Do you want to extend our stay into the new year?”
“What about our apartment?” I asked, still not letting myself get my hopes up. “All of our things?”
“You mean the apartment we haven’t seen in like six months?” Julian waved his hand around. “I can make some calls and have our stuff shipped here. The rent is prepaid until end of January, so I can give a thirty-day notice that we’ll be leaving. Just let me worry about it. I got this covered.”
My hands started to shake, so I shoved them into my coat pockets. “I don’t know what to say. This is a big step. Moving here. Shouldn’t we think on it more? Weigh the pros and cons or whatever?”
