Page 74 of Alastair
“Then why are you staring?” Talk about giving a guy a complex.
“They look soft.” He focused on my pants, then averted his gaze to the balcony floor.
“Do you… want to touch them?”
“Don’t be absurd,” he said with a scoff. “I was only stating a fact.”
His darkening cheeks told a different story, but I kept that to myself.
“Why are you here?” I stepped farther out to join him on the balcony. The night felt great, not too warm or cold, so I left the door open to let some fresh air into my room. “Did something happen?”
“Nothing happened.” Lazarus fidgeted, his hand slowly closing and relaxing at his side. “I was… concerned.”
“Concerned about what?”
His gaze lifted. “You.”
Tiny prickles of heat poked at my chest. “Why?”
“One can deduce the reason to stem from our fully awakened mated bond, but I sensed your spiraling thoughts.” He rested a hand on the railing and continued to fidget with the other. “You seemed out of sorts after the meeting earlier.”
“So you wanted to check on me?”
He didn’t respond. But he didn’t have to. The answer showed in his eyes as warmth flooded them.
“I’m fine. No need to be concerned.”
His eyes narrowed. “I don’t believe you.”
“What you do or don’t believe doesn’t matter.” My chest became tight. “I’m fine,” I repeated, but the words sounded less confident that time. More unsteady.
Lazarus took my face between his palms. “Don’t lie to me.”
My chin wobbled a bit. His snow-and-apple scent soothed me much more than the tea had. And his touch was so warm. Comforting.
I was used to holding in my worries and dealing with them on my own. I was used to having total control and being a pillar for my brothers to lean on. Now? Pieces of that pillar were chipping away.
More than anything, in that moment, I wanted someone to holdmeup.
“I’m scared,” I whispered. “I’m so fucking scared, Lazarus.”
“What are you afraid of?” Affection thickened his voice. The gentleness of it nearly broke me.
“Failure.” My eyes stung. “You’ve always told us how powerful we are because of our blood. With Kallias back, I had no doubts we’d succeed. But what if I’m wrong? What if we can’t kill Lucifer even after syncing our minds? For the past month, that’s been my only plan. Find him and take him down. What if it’s not enough?”
“All valid questions,” he said. “None of which can be answered with absolute certainty. That’s the way of war. You never know if you’ll win the battle, but you must fight anyway. If you don’t, you’ve already lost. Tell me, Alastair… will you allow yourself to submit to these doubts and lose before you’ve even tried?”
“No.” My chin quivered again. “I won’t lose.”
Lazarus slid his hand to my jaw and leaned in, exhaling against my lips. “Good boy.”
I fucking shuddered, and a whimper built at the base of my throat. Why did those two words have such an effect on me? They turned my insides to mush. Was my confidence so shaken that such a small amount of praise from him was so profound?
I rested a hand on his bare chest. His heart beat steadily beneath my palm. How unfair that I felt like I’d turn to a puddle of jelly any second while he remained cool and unmoved. Pride took that as a challenge.
I wanted to see Lazarus unravel—wanted to see him surrender to me.
“Do you want to come in?” His body was solid and warm. As I lined up our hips and pressed against his front, he gripped my waist and held me still.
