Page 88 of Perfectly Us
I don’t want to let go of him, but I do. He kisses me lightly before grabbing his bag and leaving the room. When I first met Alex, I would’ve never imagined he was so sad on the inside or that his parents treated him like they do.
“Things could be worse,”Alex told me last night as we cuddled after sex, his fingers toying with mine. We got like that sometimes, having deep conversations after blowing our loads.“I know they love me. It’s just complicated.”
He always looks on the bright side. An optimist. It reminds me of how even when the sun is covered by clouds, it still shines, like nothing can fully take its light. But I also think of how lonely that must feel. Which maybe explains the smiles that don’t reach his eyes.
After Alex is gone, I go downstairs to where my dad’s sitting on the couch, watching that cop show he likes. I sit beside him and rest my head on his shoulder.
“Hey, kiddo.” He puts his arm around me, a little shocked. I’m not the affectionate type and hardly ever do this. “You okay?”
“Thank you for always being here for me,” I say, my throat tight. “And for loving me even when I don’t love myself.”
“I’ll always love you. Don’t ever doubt that.”
“I don’t.”
I saw a quote before that said if you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else love you? It’s such a crock of shit and detrimental to people like me, who battle against feeling worthy every damn day.
Later, when I’m in bed, wide-awake, my phone lights up on the nightstand.
Alex:Forgot to tell you I made it home.
Me:How are you?
Alex:Dad called me into his study. Wanted to know where I’ve been the past few days and told me I had Mom worried sick. And it’s funny bcuz she didn’t seem worried when I walked through the door. She was too absorbed in Pinterest to say two words to me.
My heart breaks for him. You’d think his mom would be super protective over him after losing Clay, but it’s the opposite. It’s like she’s shut down.
Me:I love you, Alex.
Alex:I love you too <3 I’m gonna go to bed. See you tomorrow :)
Me:Goodnight <3
My alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m., and I shut it off before groggily getting out of bed. I have to be at the coffeehouse by six to open. I quickly shower, then get dressed, yawning for the umpteenth time as I snatch my keys off the hook and go out to my car. No time for breakfast. I get to work and immediately start work. Early mornings suck, but after a shot of espresso and a bagel that I scarf when the lobby’s clear, I feel a lot better.
Alex shows up around nine, wearing his signature flirty smile and huge sunglasses that cover most of his face. He pushes them up and rests them on top of his head as he approaches me.
“Mornin’,” he says. “Do you happen to know a super-sexy guy who works here? He’s like six foot tall, has adorable shaggy hair, and can do things with his tongue that’d make a porn star blush.”
“Jesus,” I say, laughing. Thankfully, no one was close enough to hear him. “You can’t say stuff like that in public.”
“Made you smile though, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, you did.”
“Morning, Alex!” Amanda says, popping up beside me. “I love your sunglasses.”
They start talking about designers I’ve never heard of, and I zone out a little. I’m glad to see Alex is in a good mood today. That’s something else about him. He doesn’t let things get him down for long. Unlike me. I still lose sleep at night for reliving embarrassing shit that happened years ago.
“Shilooooooh.”
I blink and Alex comes into focus. “Huh? Did you say something?”
He scoffs and looks at Amanda. “I’m gonna kill my boyfriend.”
She giggles. “No need to resort to murder. I’ll start your smoothie.”
“And a banana muffin please,” he calls after her before looking at me, the humor leaving his eyes. “You good?”
