Page 81 of Perfectly Us
“Shi?” He grabs onto me.
I latch onto his kindness. His light. My arms go around him, and I cry like I haven’t in a long time. It spills out of me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. He rubs my back and presses kisses to the side of my head. Always so patient. Caring. It makes me cry harder.
“Let it all out,” Alex says, holding me tighter. “I’ve got you, and I’m not letting go.”
I’m not sure how much time passes as I cry against him. A part of me feels like I should be embarrassed about it, ashamed for being so weak in front of him. I think sometimes it takes more courage to cry than to hold it in.
It’s freeing too. Once I calm, I feel so much lighter. Still heavy in places, like a storm that’s passed but left behind clouds filled with rain. But the sun’s shining in the distance, the rays breaking through the dreary sky.
“Thank you,” I say, resting my head on his shoulder as he runs his fingers through my hair. “Sorry I woke you up.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Alex brushes his lips across my forehead. The tenderness of the action tugs at my heart. “I’m glad I was here for you.”
“Me too.” I focus on his heart thumping against mine. Concentrate on the beats.
I’m too drained to explain anything to him tonight. Or, should I say, early morning since the time on my phone says it’s after 3:00 a.m. We lie back down, and he pulls the blanket over me, tucking it in around me.
“You’re so cute,” I say, my voice scratchy from crying so hard. “Tucking me in.”
“Just call me Daddy Alex.”
“Oh god.” I chuckle, and it sounds off. Like I’ve been chewing on broken glass.
“Close your eyes.” Alex slides his arm around me, a barrier of safety. “I’ve got you.”
I manage to fall back asleep, and thankfully, I don’t dream. When I wake up to see the sun shining in through the window, I take a deep breath, then take another. The corners of my eyes feel kind of raw, and my head hurts, but I find myself smiling at the way Alex is sprawled out next to me, the sheet barely covering his junk.
I lean over and kiss him on the cheek, my hand smoothing up and down his toned belly.
“Mornin’, handsome,” Alex says, cracking a smile as he looks at me through sleepy eyes.
“Morning.”
The smell of coffee brewing drifts up from downstairs, and there’s an occasional clank of plates. I hear Dad laugh, followed by Jesse. The guy stays the night here a lot. I don’t mind it.
“We should get dressed before your dad comes in and sees my naked ass.” Alex sits up and scratches the back of his sleep-tousled hair. “I mean, he’d probably drop to his knee and propose to me on the spot. That would be awkward. I don’t want to be your stepdad.”
My body shakes with a laugh, and I pull him to my chest. “I love you.”
As the words leave my lips, my chest clenches and panic takes root. It’s way too soon to say it, even though I feel the truth of the words in my very core.
Will Alex freak out on me? Mutter some excuse and leave? Should I quickly change the subject?
“I love you too,” he says, nuzzling the side of my face.
I relax against him.
Maybe time doesn’t matter.
Maybe love, like sexuality and all the other things I’m still learning about myself, is different for each person. There’s no right or wrong. No one way to experience it. That’s the beauty of it, I think.
An obnoxious gurgling sound cuts through my musings.
“Sorry,” Alex says, putting a hand to his stomach. “The beast is hungry. I must feed.”
Laughing, I get out of bed and pull on boxers and a pair of pajama bottoms. Alex grabs one of my shirts and puts it on, and I have to force myself not to tackle him back on the bed and kiss him silly. He looks amazing in my clothes.
Before we leave my room to go downstairs, I glance over at my desk, at the drawer in the middle where I stashed the letter.
