Page 73 of Perfectly Us
“Never mind.” I put my arms around him and rest my cheek on the top of his head. “Did you like it? Sex?”
He hides his face in the crease of my neck and shoulder as he slowly nods. “I’m even more confused now.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t just like having sex because it felt good. I liked it because… well, because it was with you. And I guess I’m trying to figure out where I fall, like what label fits me. Maybe I don’t fit anywhere.”
“A label doesn’t matter, Shi.” I press my lips to his forehead. “Just be you.”
“What if I’m still learning who I am?”
“Then I’ll learn with you.”
Shiloh nuzzles my neck. “You’re kind of awesome.”
“Kind of?” I ruffle the top of his hair and grin when he playfully nips at my throat. Guilt weighs heavily on my chest, and my smile falls. “I wanna tell you something, but I don’t want you gettin’ mad at me.”
His hand finds mine, and he links our fingers. “Tell me.”
“What you said earlier… a small part of me did feel like that, I think.” I bring my other hand over and toy with his bracelets. “I liked you when we first met. I thought you were insanely hot, but that’s not the only reason. There was something about your quiet nature that drew me in. Almost like I recognized something in you. Like you had a mark on your soul that matched mine. You seemed so sad and withdrawn.”
Shiloh’s quiet as he listens. I’m sure I’m not making much sense, but I continue anyway.
“Then when I found out about… you know, what you did in the past, I think a part of medidlatch onto you because of it.” The backs of my eyes sting with the confession. “Not because I pitied you or wanted to be a hero or anything. I just, I never wanted you to feel that way again. I wanted to take all that pain and sadness away from you.”
“You can’t fix me, Alex.” Shiloh’s voice is soft. “No matter how hard you try to put the broken wheel back on the toy car, it’s still going to wobble, then crash.”
“Are you?” I ask, my sternum aching. “Going to crash?”
He sits there a moment, eyes fixed on the top of the tent. “I don’t want to.”
A long stretch of silence follows.
I think of gravity again, of how what goes up must come down. Or is that the law of motion? I can’t remember. But it makes me think about Shiloh. He says he doesn’t want to crash, but if his wheel is broken like the metaphor he gave, is he destined to crash anyway?
I focus on the warmth of his skin pressed to mine, listen to his soft breaths. I clear my racing thoughts by tuning in to each place our bodies meet. Is he doing the same with me?
I don’t remember falling asleep. One moment I’m lying with Shiloh, trying to figure out what to say, and the next, I’m opening my eyes to the sun coming through the tent.
The morning is warm, and my sleeping bag is hot in the places the sun directly hits it. I flip to my other side and see Shiloh asleep next to me, his dark hair in his eyes. I brush the strands aside, then trace the sharp line of his jaw.
I’ve fallen so hard for him.
“Stalker,” he murmurs in a sleep-heavy tone, cracking open his lids. The sun hits his eyes perfectly, making the blue appear lighter. “Only psychopaths watch people while they sleep.”
I grin and snuggle against his chest. “Good morning.”
“Morning.” He presses his face into my hair. “Why do you smell so good?”
He smells good too. His skin is a little musky but sweet too, like he’s been rolling around in a field of honeysuckles.
“You can eat me if you want,” I say. “That’ll make you a cannibal though.”
Shiloh gently bites at my throat before licking down my chest. I suck in a soft breath as he flicks my nipple with his tongue. His erection presses against my thigh, and I smile. He gets between my legs, and our hard cocks slide together as he kisses my collarbone.
“Do you want to?” he asks, looking down at me.
“Yeah.”
