Page 59 of Perfectly Us
“You’re still young,” he says. “You don’t have to figure it all out right now. It took me years to learn the term ‘bisexual.’ Took me even longer to accept it. I believe sexuality can be fluid sometimes too. I seem to be more attracted to men now than women.”
“This is the strangest conversation I think we’ve ever had.”
“It’s an important one though.”
“It is.” I smile at him, then grab plates from the cabinet. “I don’t know if I’m gay or bi. Or if I’m something else. All I know is I like the way I feel when I’m around Alex. He could be a blue-skinned alien and I’d still like him.”
“Knowing Alex, I’m sure he’d test that theory out for you.”
I laugh at the visual of Alex dousing himself in blue paint and sticking antennas on his head. It’s definitely something he’d do. No question about it.
“Are you…” I glance at the stove. “Disappointed in me for liking Alex?”
Maybe it’s a stupid question. Dad just told me he’s bisexual. But I can’t help but feel like me questioning my sexuality is yet another thing wrong with me. Another thing that makes me abnormal.
“Hey. Look at me, kiddo.” Dad puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “I haveneverbeen disappointed in you. I love you with all my heart. Never forget that.”
“I love you too.”
“Alex is a good kid,” he says. “I mean, I can’t let you guys hang out in your room with the door closed anymore though.” He winks.
“Guess I need to hurry up and find an apartment, then.” I don’t tell him that I’m not even into sex. Or, at least I don’t know if I am. It’s still something I’m working out.
Dad chuckles. “Don’t make me cry before I’ve had my coffee. I’ll be a wreck on the day you actually move out.”
We pile food onto our plates, pour coffee into our mugs, then sit at the table just as the sun starts to rise, the light chasing away the shadows of night.
When I was at the summer therapy program, one of the counselors said each sunrise is a new beginning. No matter what happened yesterday, you have a chance to do better. Tobebetter.
I smooth my thumb along my wrist, feeling the slight change of texture in my skin from the scar. I’ve had close to three hundred more sunrises since the day I felt so numb, lost. Each new day means a little more now, because I know how lucky I am to be here.
Dad leaves for work around seven forty, and I clean up the kitchen, mainly to have something to do. I’m restless today, partly because of my dream. Alex is the other reason. I want to see him, but I don’t want to come across as needy.
I glance at my phone a million times, forcing myself not to message him.
He messages me first.
Alex:Good morning :)
My chest does this weird achy thing as I smile and respond.
Me:Morning. How are you?
Alex:Still kinda sleepy but good. You wanna grab breakfast together? You’re off work today right???
Me:I’ve already eaten. But I can sit while you eat. And yes, it’s my day off.
Alex tells me to meet him at a diner on Main Street. It’s smack-dab in the center of downtown, surrounded by antique shops, boutiques, and a fudge place. There’s even a paranormal shop I pass on my way to the diner. I take a quick peek through the storefront window and see crystals, candles, gothic-looking jewelry, and a ghost tour flyer.
I keep walking and reach the diner about a minute later, snagging a booth near the window. Alex shows up not long after and plops down in front of me, his smile a sight for sore eyes.
I’ve seen him basically every day for the past month, and yet, my stomach still flutters when he smiles.
“Thanks for meeting me,” he says, grabbing a menu from the side of the table. A piece of his hair juts up in the front, that one strand that can never be tamed.
“It’s not a problem.” I reach forward and brush his bangs aside, my fingertips lingering on his brow a moment before I pull away. “I wanted to see you.”
Alex gapes at me before cracking another smile, this one softer.
