Page 62 of Perfectly Us
“Sometimes I care. But I don’t about this.” Shiloh looks down at our joined hands. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Try.”
“Okay. I think it’s because this means something to me.” Shiloh looks at me, and I admire the unique shade of his eyes, a blue so deep they look like sapphires. “Youmean something to me, Alex. Maybe that cancels it out. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still nervous and self-conscious—I probably always will be—but right now? I’m too happy to care.”
I slowly swing our hands between us. “I’m happy too.”
Our community is fairly liberal for being a small town in the south. Sure, some people eye Shiloh’s and my joined hands and curl their nose like they’ve just smelled a rancid fart, but no one says anything to us. We get a few smiles too. Not all Southerners are homophobic rednecks.
“Wanna go to the park?” I ask when we reach the end of the sidewalk.
Shiloh nods, and we cross the street, hands still linked. I like that he doesn’t let go.
The smell of the river tickles my nose as we reach the park and sit on a bench beside the water. Ducks swim near the land and approach people for food, then flap away once they get it. A woman jogs past, neon pink earbuds in her ears. A dog barks in the distance.
I look up, staring at the sun through the branches of the tree as a warm summer breeze sweeps around us.
“Are you excited for college?” Shiloh asks, breaking the silence.
“Yeah. Nervous too.”
“Like a baby sea turtle heading for the ocean?”
I grin. That conversation feels like a million years ago. We’ve come so far since that day. I know it hasn’t been that long, but I can’t imagine not having him in my life. Shiloh’s changed, but I have to.
I see the world a little differently now. More than anything, I feel like I’ve discovered more of myself since knowing him. I don’t fake nearly as many smiles, and I’m learning to be more vulnerable. Open.
I think it’s that light inside him. It gives me strength.
“When do you start?”
“August twenty-third. I still have two months of freedom.”
“Not quite two months,” Shiloh says, his brow wrinkling when our gazes meet. He seems a little sad. “June’s almost over.”
“Crazy.” I shake my head. “This month’s blown by. That’s one thing that scares me.”
“What does?”
I lean against him. “Time moving too quickly. I wish there was a way to slow it down.”
“Dr. Larson told me there’s no point in obsessing about things we have no control over,” Shiloh says, tracing circles on my skin with his thumb. His voice is so gentle but still a bit raspy. “You can’t stop time. But you can make the most of it.”
I lightly bump his jaw with my nose, then tilt my head up, my mouth searching for his. Shiloh’s lips slant over mine, and we kiss as another breeze picks up around us. I get lost in him, in the softness of his lips and the warmth of his body pressed to mine.
Maybe there’s a way to slow time after all.
***
“Any plans for the Fourth of July?” Ruben asks, tossing a water football in the air, catching it, then throwing it back up.
We’re sitting in his pool that afternoon, lazing around under the sun before work later. It’s the last day of June, and it’s the hottest day of the year by far at almost one hundred and two degrees. Swimming in the cool water helps.
“Not yet,” I answer. “Everyone and their brother will be shooting off fireworks, so I know I’ll see some no matter where I am. What about you?”
“Mel and I are gonna go to the lake.” Ruben ducks beneath the water and flicks his hair as he surfaces. It’s gotten longer over the weeks. “You and Shiloh should come too. We’re gonna grill some burgers, drink, and camp that night. I have an extra tent y’all could use.”
The idea of sleeping next to Shiloh in a tent gets me hard, and I take a deep breath to steady my overexcited self. Even if he agreed to camp with me overnight, sex probably wouldn’t happen. And I’m okay with it, even though I’m horny as fuck and would love to ride him into oblivion. That’s what my hand’s for.
