Page 45 of Perfectly Us
Ruben never lets me be alone on the anniversary of my brother’s death. We usually do something just the two of us earlier on in the day, and then we have a big get-together with our friends after, like go swimming. Our friends know about Clay, of course—everyone knows—but they don’t know that’s why we hang out. Which is good. It keeps it from being a downer.
Me:Shiloh’s coming too. He doesn’t know about Clay. I plan to tell him. Idk why I haven’t yet.
Ruben:Bcuz it fucking hurts. That’s why. It’s not something you can casually bring up either.
Me:Yeah.
I change into my neon green swim trunks. They cut off at my upper thigh and hug me in all the right places. I put shorts on over them and add a T-shirt. I get another text.
Ruben:U wanna meet at the graveyard b4 we go? We can pour a beer for Clay, say a little something, then I’ll pick up Melody and head to the swimming hole.
I smile through my tears.
Me:Sounds good. Thanks, Ru.
Ruben:Anything for my bae.
I laugh and wipe at my eyes. I fucking love him. Best friend ever.
The graveyard is a ten-minute drive from my house. Ruben’s leaning against his car when I get there. We don’t say much as we walk through the gates and pass the first few rows of tombstones.
When we reach Clay’s grave, I squat down in front of it. I brought a rag to wipe away the dirt on the tombstone. The headstone is black marble, and a picture of Clay is in the center. He’s smiling, which is how I’ll always remember him.
Better than how he looked the last time I actually saw him. Lifeless eyes even when he was still alive.
I shake my head, chasing away the memory.
We don’t stay too long. I say that I miss him, and we pour out his favorite beer. He wasn’t old enough to drink back then, but he and Ruben’s older brothers would have someone buy alcohol for them, and they’d drink in his room.
Dad caught them once and raised hell. He threatened to take them all into the precinct for underage drinking if he caught them again. Empty words though, just like the empty beer bottles that were beside him on the porch.
As we walk back to our cars, I slip my arm around Ruben. I don’t have to say anything. He stops on the path and pulls me in for a tight hug, both of us quiet as he smooths his hand up and down my spine. Words aren’t needed.
Shiloh texts me as soon as I get in my car.
Shiloh:Do you want to drive together? I’ll let you ride shotgun in my car.
Me:Oh, hot damn. I am soooo in.
Shiloh:Want me to pick you up from your place?
I think of my dad sitting on the porch, drowning in all those beer bottles.
Me:I’ll be at Ruben’s. You remember how to get there???
Shiloh:Yeah. I’ll be there soon.
I roll down my window and stick my head out, catching Ruben’s attention before he can leave the parking lot.
“Is it cool if I stay the night with you? Shiloh and I are gonna ride together, and I said to pick me up at your house. I thought we could make a night of it.”
I don’t want to be at home tonight anyway. Dad will be drunk, and Mom will be a zombie. And I’ll be somewhere in the middle.
Ruben smiles. “Can’t guarantee you won’t hear some bumpin’ and grindin’ coming from my bed tonight, but sure.” He pulls out his phone and taps the screen before holding it to his ear. “I’ll tell Mom you’re staying the night. She’ll spoil you rotten as always, you asshole.”
I can’t argue with him there. His mom really does spoil me.
Feeling a lot better, lighter, I drive to Ruben’s house. Shiloh arrives not long after I do, the rumble of the engine cutting through the quiet. I approach the driver’s side and cock my hip.
