Page 27 of Perfectly Us
Once I give them their drinks and scone, he tosses me one last glare before they leave.
“You okay?” Amanda asks. “That guy was a dickwad.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I pop the rubber band on my wrist. Once. Twice. It helps me when I’m feeling overwhelmed or upset. I don’t know why. I’m sure there’s a psychological reason for it, like how fidget spinners supposedly help people focus.
The slight sting of it grounds me. Brings me back to myself.
***
My dad’s going on a date tonight.
He doesn’t say it’s a date, but I know because he’s wearing his expensive cologne and spending way too long in the bathroom mirror, fixing his black hair so it sits just right.
“Going out for drinks with a friend” is what he tells me.
I smile and lean against the doorframe. “A friend, huh?”
He quietly clears his throat and straightens his tie. Then, he sighs and pulls the tie loose, taking it off. It looks better without it anyway, less business dinner attire and more date-like.
“I should be home by eleven.”
“Stay out as late as you want,” I say. “Don’t worry about me.”
Because that’s what Dad does. He focuses so much on me and doesn’t take time for himself. My issues over the past year haven’t helped matters any. I can’t remember the last time he went out with a friend, let alone dated anyone. I’m happy he’s doing something for himself for once.
“You can order takeout for dinner. Just log in to my account on the delivery app,” he says as I follow him down the stairs. He seems nervous.Definitely a date.“And if you need anything, call me.”
“Dad. I’ll be okay. Now leave before I throw you out.”
He chuckles and opens the front door. “Love you, kiddo.”
“Love you too.”
I order chicken fried rice and egg rolls from my favorite Thai place, then laze on the couch with my laptop while I wait for it to be delivered. I check Facebook and mindlessly scroll my news feed.
Some of my friends from school are vacationing in Cancún. Others are camping. Amanda posts a group picture of her and her friends. All girls. They’re going to a party tonight.
I comment for her to have fun, and she reacts with a heart and a kissing emoji.
In person, I’m not that social, but it’s different when interacting with people online. Maybe because I have time to think about my response, and I don’t have to look at anyone when doing it.
My food arrives, and I tip the guy before sitting in the living room in front of the TV. I watch a car remodeling show as I eat. When it goes on commercial and I see a preview forInto the Ruins, my thoughts drift to Alex.
I remember sitting beside him in the theater, his eyes on the movie and mine on him.
Alex is beautiful. I noticed it the first time we met. And when he opened his mouth and started rambling, my stomach did a weird flipping thing. The more I talk to him, the more things I start to notice, like the trace of gold in his green eyes and how he nibbles his lip sometimes when he’s quiet.
I think I have a crush on him.
But I’m not sure.
Because even though I feel…something… when I’m around him, sexual desire still isn’t there. Maybe it never will be. Is it possible to want to be with someone in a romantic way without also wanting to have sex with them?
Dr. Larson was right. I don’t want to stop talking to Alex. Whether I think of Alex only as a friend or potentially something more doesn’t matter. I just know I like the way I feel when I’m around him.
Before I can obsess and talk myself out of it, I send him a text.
Me:Hey.
