Page 56 of A Warrior's Heart
“Because my heart is too damaged to ever love again.” The center of my chest tightened as I said the words. “Keeping you at a distance is easier. Safer.”
“Do you think I’m not scared as well?” Troy tore his gaze from me. “What Varun did to me… I thought I’d never heal from it. It took weeks, months, before I could stomach anyone touching me even in the most innocent of ways, such as a pat on the shoulder or ruffling of my hair. But then you helped me. I felt so safe around you, Mal, and when you touched me, held me in your arms, I welcomed it. As I grew older, I craved you in other ways.”
“You fear my touch.”
“You’re wrong.” Troy took the dagger from my grip and placed it on the deck before grabbing both my hands. “This kind of intimacy… kissing you, seeing the hunger in your eyes when you hold me, is all new for me. I have nothing but nightmares to compare it to. That’s what I fear, Mal. Not you.”
The tightness in my chest crept up to my throat. “I don’t want to hurt you or make you relive those nightmares.”
“Then show me what it’s like,” Troy whispered, his eyes searching my face. “Show me how beautiful it can be. How it’ssupposedto be.”
I shifted closer and caressed his jaw.
We both had shadows in our past and demons that haunted us, Troy with the bastard Varun and me with my fear of loving again. But in that moment with our gazes locked, hope blossomed inside me.
If he was brave enough to be with me after the horror he’d suffered, could I not be brave for him as well?
“Curse you, you damned assassin!” Nereus shouted, drawing both mine and Troy’s attention. He lay on his back with Shar’s foot on his wrist, forcing him to release his grip on his sword. “You cheated!”
“In battle, do you think the enemy will play fair?” Shar lifted his foot off the young warrior’s wrist and stepped back from him. “Chivalry during a fight will get you nothing but a shallow grave.”
“I’ll giveyoua shallow grave.” Nereus pushed to his feet and wiped blood from his bottom lip.
“Now, now,” Shar tsked. “Perhaps you should eat something. I’ve heard children throw temper tantrums when they’re hungry.”
Nereus yelled and dove at Shar, catching him around the waist before they tumbled to the deck. He never raised a fist to him, though, which told me he didn’t truly wish to hurt Shar.
“The assassin never even used a weapon,” Lorcan said from the other side of me. How long had he been standing there? “He blocked each of Nereus’ blows with his wrist guards and brought him down with his bare hands. Impressive, is it not?”
“Impressive indeed,” I responded, standing up. Reflexively, I reached for Troy to help him to his feet too. “Perhaps I’ll let them train together more often. It would do Nereus good.”
“I’m sure training won’t be all they do together.” Lorcan smirked.
Land appeared ahead, and I brought a hand up to block the sun as I peered closer. Right now, it was only a speck in the distance, too far to make out any details or identifiable landscape. Before too long, we’d reach the town and make port. Where we went afterward was for Lorcan to decide.
One thing I knew for sure?
Our journey was only beginning.
Chapter Twelve
Troy
“Are you coming?” Lorcan asked once the ship docked. He was wearing a knitted cap to hide his pointed ears because even though there was a current truce between the land and sea, humans feared what they didn’t understand.
Taking a step back, I shook my head. “No, you go ahead. I’ll wait here.”
My unease of being away from the safety of Avalontis had dissipated a little over the two weeks we’d been gone, but humans still made me uncomfortable. They were wicked. Dangerous. I wanted nothing to do with them.
“We’ll bring you something from the bakery,” Alek said to me before they walked down the gangplank off the ship. Fletcher and Kellan went with them.
The assassins were nowhere in sight, neither were Nereus, Reif, or Malik. My sister had already left to visit the apothecary to replenish medical supplies. I was alone on deck. Maybe the only one left on the whole ship.
It was quite an unsettling thought.
I found a barrel that held a large bundle of rope and hopped up to sit on top of it. My feet dangled down, and I gently swung them.
The town of Ritherdale had mountains in the distance, and I watched the sun sink below them. Three other ships were docked at the harbor, one bigger than ours and the other two smaller. I watched as men loaded crates onto the bigger one and ducked down when one of them looked toward the Crimson Night.
